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“That’s not a deal, Ella. That’s blackmail.”
She bridges the gap between us again to press a soft finger to my lips, and I make no attempt to push her away. “Just know that I’m okay,” she whispers. “It’s been hard. So hard. Some days I’ve cried so much I didn’t know if I’d ever stop, but this moment? This night? I’m okay. Really, I am, and I just want to pretend that I’m a normal teenager having a normal party, which is kind of abnormal, if I’m being honest, because it’s full of men and women who are mostly twenty years older than me, and who murder other men and women for a living, but still.” She withdraws her finger and sucks in a shaky breath. “When can we dream, if not on our birthday?”
“You’re rambling again.” The imprint of her finger is burning me in all the best ways.
“Yes, well, you’re making me nervous. Estrangers can do that.”
“Estrangers?”
“People who get callously ditched by other people, but they already know each other, so they can’t technically be called strangers.”
“Ella…”
“Let’s not talk about that, either. Put it in a box labelled ‘tomorrow’.”
I nod, knowing I’ll be long gone by then. Cutting ties. Causing more hurt. Doing anything in my power to protect her from me.
Ella’s mom’s is in the hallway outside, calling her name.
“Shoot. I’ve got to go.Papáwants to make a cringe-fest toast about me. I’ll come find you later, and we can talk some more about all the things we’ve promised not to talk about. I guess that’ll include our last day in Colombia too. Because it’s just a big blank of nothing to me.”
“Go,” I snarl, not wanting to think about it, let alone acknowledge it.
“I take it that’s a ‘yes’.” Her eyes flicker over my face, searching for clues as to why my expression has turned to stone, but she’ll never find them. “Papáwas right. Eighteen’s shaping up to be an enlightening year, which is a good thing in my opinion. I’m tired of not knowing all the important stuff.”
“What do you want to know?”
“How long have you got?”
Let me teach you everything.
She takes a couple of steps back, but she doesn’t turn away. “Can I ask you one more question before I go?”
“So long as it’s not on the restricted list.”
“Restrictedbox, remember? Our thing’s too big to fit on a single piece of paper.”
Our thing.
We have a thing.
“Did you ever make it to China like we spoke about all those years ago?”
For the first time in forever, I feel like laughing. Note the ‘feel’ part because my lips don’t even curve.
“Not yet.”
“We should do it sometime.” She disappears out the door before reappearing again with that gorgeous smile in place. “It’s good to see you again, Edier.”
That’s when I know I’m going to break her big, beautiful heart.
9
ELLA
I leavethe kitchen with grace and dignity, but it all goes to crap after that. Ten steps down the hallway, the air is whooshing out of my lungs, and I’m reaching for the wall to steady me. My heart rate is concertinaing between ‘sky-high’ and ‘dangerously combustible’, and there’s a savage heat pooling between my thighs.
I close my eyes to try and make sense of it, but the only thing I see is him. My ex-friend. My number one estranger. I’ve known Edier Grayson since I was five years old, and I’m pretty sure he used to steal cookies fromTiáAnna’s kitchen when she wasn’t looking, so what the heck is he doing stealing my breath away tonight?
