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I pause from the thought. When we lived together with our parents, I pretty much avoided him as much as my mom. The weird vibe I had about him turned out to be true after the way he acted when I asked to stay over for a day or two.
We weren’t siblings. We weren’t friends. I guess that’s why I don’t feel sad. I hope that’s why. Sometimes I think I’m too messed up to have normal relationships.
I squirt a big glob on his washcloth and scrub up and down on the beige tile and back and forth on the textured floor rinsing off the black grime until the water finally runs clear. Not perfect by any means but enough for me to bathe and be cleaner than I am now. I strip down and squeeze more of the gel onto my bare hands since I have no idea if he ever really washed his linens in a washing machine or not.
Now I’ll smell like another man again, and Titan will be furious.
No.
I don’t care what he thinks. Maybe I’m broken, but he’s worse. I never gave a damn about his wealth, and he knows it.
If that’s all he can accuse me of, then he can fuck himself. I should have told him about Maxim. I was wrong. Anything else he claims I did is bullshit.
Now I’m riled up again after I calmed down from our tiring trek here. I hate it when you’re so mad and the same thoughts just keep swirling around and around in your head.
There’s so much I wish I would’ve said to him and now I’ll never get the chance. That makes me angry at myself.
With shaking hands, I dry off and put on the only other outfit I have that got left behind. At least the library is only a few blocks away, so I won’t get drenched in sweat again. Plus, I can funnel my irritation into energy for my job search.
Pete’s tail wiggles slightly when I return to the kitchen. He’s too sleepy to give me more. That’s okay.
I drop to my knees and kiss his head, rubbing long strokes down his exposed chest and belly. “I hate to leave you, but I’ll be back soon. Once I get a job, I’ll get us out of here in a nice place hopefully with a big yard for you to run.”
Pete’s ears flick up for something only he can hear, and he struggles to his paws interested in the noise despite how tired he is.
“Or you could just come home where you belong.”
Titan.
More emotions than I can describe, let alone understand, battle inside me. Anger wins, and I flick my hand, shooing away the annoying pest. “Your home isn’t my home. But you should go on back there. No one wants you here.”
“Pete’s happy to see me.”
He’s right. My dog beelined straight to him, alternating between scratching at the screen and shoving his snout against the dented metal, trying to figure out how to let the dickhead inside. “He’s the only one.”
Titan tugs the handle and finds the lock latched. Of course, that doesn’t stop him. He yanks, and with one hard pull, rips the flimsy door off the hinges and drops it onto the dirt that used to be a yard.
Uninvited, he saunters inside like he owns the place. Pete does his happy dance, and Titan seems just as pleased to see my dog, rubbing over his head and ears while he prances.
I stand up and look him right in the eye. He’s not going to intimidate me. “I have something I need to do. I’m leaving. Don’t be here when I get back.”
His smile almost seems sad. If I thought he had feelings, I’d think I’d really hurt them.
“I fucked up. I’m sorry.”
Blowing out a long sigh gives me a few seconds to think.
I don’t want to argue.
I don’t want to cry.
I don’t want to show him any weakness.
I nod and hold out my hand to shake his. “I accept your apology. We were both wrong. Now we can go our separate ways without any lingering animosity.”
This time the smile radiating on his handsome face makes my heart race.
“Fireball.” He shakes his head, studying me. “Do you really think I’m going to accept that?”
