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He was right. No matter how much I'd been hurt, despite the betrayal...I had cared about Dante. I still did a little. "God, I have to stop getting involved with unstable men. Where is he now?"
"I dropped him off at his place. He started coming around and was able to walk and everything."
"If he has any sense, he'll be long gone. I think Jerome'll have a long memory."
"And, so...things are back to normal?"
I took awhile to answer. "Yeah. I'm back in full succubus glory."
He turned away and began pacing. "I knew it would happen...knew this was coming, and yet...I kept pretending it wouldn't."
"Me too. I think somewhere in my head, I had this fantasy that I could find Jerome and still be with you."
Seth stopped and looked at me. "We still can be. I meant what I said...that I would try again..."
I met his gaze levelly. "What about Maddie?"
"I...I would end it with her..."
"Do you love her?" My words were blunt. I think I caught him by surprise.
"Yes...but it's different. Different from the way I love you."
"It doesn't matter," I said. "You and I can't be together. If you have a chance to be happy, then you need to take it. We can't do this to her again. It's wrong. She doesn't deserve it."
"I told you I'd end things with her first if we were getting back together. I can't cheat anymore."
"You can't break up," I said, surprised by the vehemence in my own voice. "She loves you. You love her. And after what we did to her..."
"You want me to stay with her as some sort of compensation?"
I balked. "Well, no...not exactly. But you guys deserve each other. You deserve to be happy. And you aren't ever going to be happy with me. It's going to always be up and down-just like before."
"I'm starting to think all relationships are like that," he said wearily. "I still don't want to hurt you. I can't stand that-I can't forget what Hugh said, about how that would destroy you. And yet...something keeps pulling us back. I told you-we're never going to be able to stay apart." I knew exactly what he meant, but I didn't say so. "I thought ending things before would fix all that, that the short-term pain would be worth the long-term stability. But I was wrong. We just found a whole new set of problems, and Maddie's in the middle. I'm willing to try again...no matter how hard it is."
"You were right to end it with us," I said harshly. "And I'm not willing to do it again."
He stared at me, shocked. My words were a lie, of course. Part of me wanted to try again, to endure anything to be with him. But I couldn't stop thinking about Maddie. Couldn't stop thinking about the hurt she would go through. It was ironic, really. Last time, he'd gone out of his way to hurt me purposely because it was for the greater good. Now I was doing the same for both of them, saving her from heartache and him from more grief with me. We were in an endless cycle.
"You can't mean that. I know you can't." His face was a mixture of incredulity and pain.
I shook my head. "I do. You and me are a disaster. What we did during this stasis...it was wrong. It was disgraceful. Immoral. We betrayed someone who loves both of us, who wishes nothing but the best for us. How could we do that? What kind of precedent is that? How could we expect to have a solid relationship that was built on that sort of sordid foundation? One that was built on lies and deceit?" Saying those words hurt. It was tarnishing the beauty of these precious few days we had, but I needed to make my case.
Seth was silent for several moments as he assessed me. "You're serious."
"Yes." I was a good liar, good enough that the person who loved me most couldn't tell. "Go back to her, Seth. Go back to her and make it up to her."
"Georgina..." I could see it, see it hitting him. The full weight of betraying Maddie was sinking in. His nature couldn't ignore the wrong he'd done. It was part of his good character, the character that had gone back to save Dante, the character that was going to make him leave me. Again. Hesitantly, he extended his hand to me. I took it, and he pulled me into an embrace. "I will always love you."
My heart was going to burst. How many times, I wondered, could I endure this kind of agony? "No, you won't," I said. "You'll move on. So will I."
Seth left not long after that. Staring at the door, I replayed my own words. You'll move on. So will I. In spite of how much he loved me, how much he was willing to risk, I truly felt he'd go back to Maddie, that he'd believe what I said. I'd driven home the guilt, made it trump his love for me.
You'll move on. So will I.
The unfortunate part about being a good liar, however, was that while I could get other people to believe my words, I didn't believe them myself.
CHAPTER 27
While I'd been pretty confident in telling Seth that Dante had likely skipped town, I nonetheless stopped by his shop the next day. It had never been very prosperous looking to begin with, but now the signs of abandonment were clear. The neon PSYCHIC sign was gone. The blinds were also gone, showing a room even barer than before. The FOR LEASE sign on the door was probably the most telling clue that Dante was gone for good.
In the wake of what had happened with Seth, it was hard to know what to think about Dante. My heart almost didn't have the energy for it. I had cared about him, absolutely. He'd suited my decadent phase, and despite his blackened soul, there were parts of him that were likeable. And above all, it appeared that he'd cared about me, misguided or not. I wasn't happy about the deal he'd made with Grace, but I was glad he hadn't been there to face Jerome and Mei's punishment. No one deserved that, not even Dante. I hoped wherever he was, he'd try to start a new life-maybe one that could lighten his soul a little. I well knew, however, that humans with damned souls rarely recovered.
Later that evening, I drove over to Capitol Hill. Peter and Cody were hosting a cocktail party to celebrate Jerome's return, though I half-suspected they simply wanted to drink away the sorrows of losing the sun.
"How can we celebrate Jerome being back when he's not even here?" Tawny wanted to know. She was back to her normal, Amazonian blond self and was holding her martini glass in a precarious way. Peter couldn't take his eyes off it.
I was nursing a gimlet out of politeness. The vampires had gone out of their way to get Grey Goose and fresh lime, but truthfully, I was a little burned out on alcohol. It seemed like I'd been perpetually drunk these last four months. I was not burned out on cigarettes yet, but I was trying very hard to break the habit once more.
"Jerome's got plenty to keep himself busy," I said. "We're just drinking in his honor."
"But he is staying, right?" asked Cody.
We all turned to Hugh. Like the rest of us, Hugh'd had his abilities restored, and I'd honestly expected him to be a lot happier having his imp vision back. Instead, he seemed very serious, and I could have sworn he was watching me when I wasn't looking.
"Yep. He and Mei schmoozed the corporate guy pretty good and pulled in enough favors to get backing from others. Cedric and Nanette both swore up and down that no one else was better qualified to run Seattle than him."
"Nanette finally caved, huh?" I swirled the ice around in my glass. "Of course, knowing Jerome owes her now probably makes her feel secure in her territory."
Cody shook his head. "Still. Grace went through an awful lot to try to pull this off, between the Canadians and all the wheeling and dealing. And Dante." He shot me an apologetic look that I waved off.
"I don't know," said Peter. He finally seemed convinced that Tawny wasn't going to ruin his upholstery. "She's a middle management demon with so-so power. Doing what she did-seizing the opportunity when she thought Jerome looked weak-was probably the closest she'll ever get to ruling over an area like this."
"What do you mean? Would she be stuck forever? Never have her own domain?" asked Tawny, frowning.
"She might have eventually gotten assigned control of some nonexistent town in middle America, but I doubt much more." Hugh still looked oddly speculative. "Clearly, she didn't want to. Neither does Mei, from the looks of it."
"So much for it being better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven," I said, pleased with my own wit. "Of course, I think we're going to see a lot more in Mei's career. She might be so-so in power, but she's got a plan."
