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“She was an addict,” I tell him softly. “You tried, Mason.” I squeeze his arm.
He shakes his head and slowly sits up. “Not hard enough. Her sister took her to NA, called her every single day to check on her, and thought she was fighting the addiction. I believed she was too or, rather, wanted to believe she was. But she was sneaking around behind our backs, and I became desensitized to her cries for help. It was my fault. No matter what anyone says, I will always blame myself for not staying home that night, for not checking my phone sooner, or at least for not forcing her to join me. I should’ve protected her from herself, kept her within reach, but instead, I made her fight alone.”
I nod, knowing I can’t argue with his logic even though I don’t believe he could’ve done much for her at that point. He was only twenty, and that’s a lot of stress and responsibility for anyone to deal with, nevertheless a college kid.
“I know there’s nothing I can say that will change what happened or how you feel, but I’m really glad you shared part of your past with me. I hate how this haunts you, and you’re forced to live with the pain of losing someone you loved. I’m sorry you feel guilty and blame yourself. I’m so, so sorry, Mason.” It’s all I can offer him at this point, and it doesn’t feel like enough.
Vulnerability coats his voice. I notice how his body shakes as he talks, and how distraught he still is five years later.
“I was a fucking mess, Soph. The aftermath of her death changed everything for me.” He locks his eyes with mine when we both sit upright on the couch, only inches apart. “Destroyed everything in my path. I nearly flunked out the following year and wanted to take my own damn life. The pain, it was unbearable. If it weren’t for Brandon, Hunter, and Liam, I’m quite certain I wouldn’t be here right now.”
His words hit me hard in the chest. “What happened?”
“Emma’s family threatened to sue me. They claimed I drove her to popping pills and then did nothing about it. Wanted to use Emma’s suicide note in court to prove I was the reason. Her sister knew the whole truth, though, and tried to get them to stop, but with their own grief, they wanted justice and for me to pay. Of course, my dad stepped in as the DA and paid an assload of money as “compensation.” My dad didn’t do it for my sake, though. Nothing ever is. It was all to keep my name out of the news and his name out of any bad press. He’s held it over my head ever since.”
“Oh God,” I mutter, pinching the bridge of my nose. “And then Weston…”
“Yep.” He nods. “Daddy to the rescue but, again, not for my sake. Another thing he can taunt me with, though. The son who keeps getting in trouble, who’s at the center of another death.”
“Weston wasn’t your fault, and neither was Emma’s, even though I know you think differently,” I say carefully. “Have you heard from Emma’s family since? Or was the money all they were after?”
“They said justice would someday get me, and that’s the last I heard from her parents. Her sister, Serena, was my saving grace, though.”
My eyes widen. “Wait. Serena? Your lawyer friend?”
“Yeah, actually…” He scrubs a hand over his face and takes a shallow breath. “She moved in here with us that summer.”
“She was the third roommate?” My jaw drops.
He nods, confirming.
“Emma’s sister was your third roommate?” I ask even though I already know the answer now. “Wow.” I blink, hadn’t expected that. “So she didn’t hold a grudge like her parents?”
“No. She knew the truth, but she hadn’t wanted to tell her parents everything to tarnish the memory of their daughter, so I agreed that it was best not to share the whole story with them. It wouldn’t fix anything or bring her back, so once my dad paid them off, that was it.”
“How did Serena end up here then?” I ask because I’m nosy and want to know if there’s more to it than he’s telling. I only met Serena once but could tell she was obviously someone important in his life.
“Well, I was a mess, and she worried about me. I dodged her calls, didn’t answer the door when she came barging over, and ignored her and everyone else for weeks. Emma’s death happened at the end of the semester, so I was spending the entire summer in the house. Liam tried to help me, but he still had to work and couldn’t watch me all the time. I was drinking nonstop to numb the pain and hitting anything or anyone who got in my way. When I say I was a mess, I didn’t even recognize myself anymore. It got that bad. One day, I woke up to Serena moving in boxes of her shit. She said she wasn’t going to let me grieve alone, and since I refused to call her back, Liam said she could move in.”
