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“Uh-huh. This you angling for a spanking? Is that what you need tonight?”
Damn Malik’s smarts. His accuracy made me mad. At both of us. “I’ll probably look ridiculous in the panties anyway. Might as well try the spanking.”
“No probably. No might as well.” He tightened his hand on my jaw. “If spanking is what you need and want tonight, I’ll go there with you. But I’m not dragging you or playing guessing games.” He used his other hand to pull my torso more firmly against his, trapping me into the conversation. “I don’t need you to goad me into wanting to spank you, but I do need you to actually talk to me. I’m not a mind reader.”
“Sure could fool me sometimes,” I grumbled before relaxing into his hold, defeated. “But I know I’m being difficult. And you shouldn’t have to play games. I’m just… God, could I be more extra?”
“It’s okay to need what you need. It really is.” He kissed my neck with a gentleness that made me shut my eyes against the return of the stinging sensation. “You’re not extra for needing something. And it’s also okay if you don’t know what you need—”
“I know.” I cut him off before his kindness undid me and my burning eyes gave way to legit tears. “It’s talking that’s hard. Scary, even though it’s stupid to be scared of words. And what kind of guy daydreams for weeks about getting his ass beat while wearing panties? Saying it out loud feels silly and ridiculous, and if you could just read my mind, that would be easier—”
“Breathe, Avery.” He stroked my sides like I was one of the horses he’d been helping Cole with. “Nothing you want is silly or ridiculous. Not to me. And if it helps, I’ve thought about doing exactly that to you plenty. I don’t think that makes me silly or ridiculous. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.”
“Tell me,” I whispered, caring less about being extra than hearing more of his sweet reassurance and praise.
“Strong. Beautiful. Courageous. Sexy. Amazing. Sometimes I look at you…” He shook his head, beard tickling my neck. “Now I’m the one without words. I care about you, and I need you to care about you too.”
“I’m trying.” My voice cracked, and I had to fight the urge to pull away and bury my head in the pillows.
“I know, baby.” He brushed his thumbs across my cheeks. “I know you are.”
“God, I love when you call me that.” Instead of pulling away, I wiggled around until I could rest my head on his shoulder. “I want to be all the things you see in me. I really do.”
“You are those things. And if I’m not silly for wanting to spank your beautiful ass, then you’re not silly or weak or any other insult you want to hurl at yourself for wanting me to do that.”
“I…” Something broke loose inside my soul. Not my heart or my gut, my soul, the very fabric of who I was and all the ways that covered who I wanted to be. Damn it. I was so tired of myself. Tired of hating myself for wanting what this amazing man was only too happy to give me. And then the words tumbled free, one right after another. “Today sucked. Not like I screwed up, but all the things kept piling up. All I could think about was getting back here to you. And then that sucked because what am I gonna do with my bad days back in LA?”
“We could talk about—”
“I don’t wanna talk. I want to not think.” Now that I’d started standing up for what I wanted, I couldn’t shut up. “That’s why I goaded you. I’m so tired of thinking. Spank me. That’s what I want. I want to wear my new panties and be sexy and get spanked until I can’t think about anything other than how much I want you to fuck me. And then I want you to fuck me until my teeth rattle. I don’t wanna think. I want to feel, feel you for days. Feel your handprints and your cock and…” I paused to gulp some air, not daring to glance at Malik’s face. “I just want that. Please?”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Malik
Avery was shaking like a leaf in my arms. So much so that, at first, I was more concerned with calming him than answering. I stroked his torso and made soothing noises.
“Sorry.” He turned in my arms, wrapping his left around my neck, all but crawling up into my chest.
“Don’t be.” I kissed the top of his head. “Yes, yes, you can have all of that. I’m going to give you what you need, baby. Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me.”
His reply was to nuzzle into my neck, little kisses in between deep sighs as his breathing slowed.
