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Chapter Thirty
Avery
Lies. I was so damn good at lying to myself that I’d almost convinced myself to walk away for Malik’s own good. Meanwhile, he’d been in his hospital room, apparently coming out to his mother. Who was off getting us muffins. Whether my food might come with poisoned berries remained to be seen, but Malik had done it, spoken up, and without waiting for me to get my head out of my ass either.
So brave.
And now he was holding out his hand, waiting for me to take it. The next ten seconds were the most important of my life and would undoubtedly determine my future. As it turned out, the question had never been whether to stay or go but whether to leap alongside him.
I was so used to running from myself, from the future I secretly wanted, that hiding had become second nature. In theory, it would be only too easy to stand, walk away, and spend the rest of my life regretting it.
In reality, though, I was stapled to that seat, not about to move, and there was only one real option, even though my hand shook and my chest pounded so loud I might be the one needing a blood pressure monitor.
I took his hand.
Mine was clammy and none too steady, but I took his and held it tight. He exhaled like a prisoner who’d received a last-minute stay of execution, which strangely made me stronger. Maybe I was struggling mightily with doing this for me, but I could do this for him.
And I could give him the gift of my truth. “I’m scared.”
“I know.” Lifting our joined hands, he brought mine to his mouth for a kiss across my knuckles. “Me too.”
“You are?” I frowned because that didn’t match the image in my head of him bravely leaping into the unknown. “But you told your mom…”
“Doesn’t mean I wasn’t terrified doing it.”
“Oh.” Somehow that made him both braver and also more relatable. I’d been waiting to feel less afraid and freaked out, but maybe the trick was simply doing it anyway. “The whole night, I kept promising the universe that if you could just be all right that I’d stop running from talking with you. But then I heard your mom came, and I wondered if maybe the best thing for you would be if I stayed away.”
“Never.” He glared at me, and damn it, I really should have known that was more of my brain grasping for any excuse to avoid the hard thing, the scary thing.
“I know.” I smoothed my thumb over the back of his hand. He’d definitely had better days, what with his messy hair, beard all scraggly, bruises blooming darkly in multiple places, IV taped to his other arm, foot bandaged and elevated, and several monitors attached to him. And yet, he’d never looked better to me. Strong. He was so freaking strong, even at his worst. “I thought I would be doing it for you, but that was more lies I told myself. Like how all week I ran from talking, thinking that could postpone our ending—”
“I wasn’t planning on ending anything.” His eyes were sharp, like the morning sun glinting through the large window, and warmed me despite the drafty room.
“I get that now. You wanted to talk about the future, and I wanted to hide. I was the reluctant one, not you. You’ve always been so much further ahead of me, so much braver.”
“That’s not true. You’re plenty brave. And no fair talking bad about yourself when I can’t do anything about it.” He gave me a pointed look, gaze dropping to my lap before returning to my eyes, expression solemn. “I could have been a lot clearer about what I wanted, including with myself. You’re not the only one who was scared. I was afraid of chasing you away but also scared of what it would mean to work things out. I want a future, yeah, but I’m also not an idiot—”
“You’re the smart one, for sure.” I put on a little of the flirty tone that usually guaranteed results, and sure enough, he managed a heated look in response.
“Don’t think I’m not keeping track for later.” He wagged a finger at me. “Anyway, I knew everything would have to change for us to have a real future together.”
Real. Future. I inhaled, letting those words rattle around my head for a moment. “And you want that? Even if it makes your mom mad?”
“First off, she’s not mad. She’s surprised and a little flustered, but I think she’s going to love you.” Malik had so much damn faith in me that when he grinned at me, I had no choice but to grin back. I didn’t have the best track record with meet-the-parents, but for him, I’d try. “Second, I’ve reached a point where I would be all right even if she was upset. I have to live my own life. And I want to share that life with you. I want to date, find new places to take you out to eat, hold hands, go out with friends and come back to my place and make out, and miss you on the nights you’re not there.”
