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“Wow.” Setting down his full cocktail, he took my hand. “You make it hard to be down on myself.”
“Good. Consider the role of your biggest cheerleader filled.”
“I’ll tell Megan she has to share.” For a moment, he looked like he might be about to kiss me, but a bell sounded.
“Dinner!”
“Darn.” Avery stood, then retrieved my cane from the end of the couch. “I suppose we have to at least stay until dessert.”
“If you’re miserable…”
“Not miserable.” He gave me a half-smile, but his eyes added a hint of private heat. “Maybe I just want my reward.”
“It’s coming,” I promised. There was very little I wouldn’t give this man, and I hoped he knew that.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Avery
I spent all of dinner counting down to my surprise from Malik and trying not to die of boredom from all the small talk. My mom and Megan had staged various tables all around the patio for guests, and I couldn’t help a sigh of relief when Malik and I found ourselves alone as the rest of our table drifted away for drinks refills at the bar or to greet other, more important invitees.
“At least the food was decent,” I said to Malik, not bothering to stifle a yawn. “I guess I should be relieved dinner was boring.”
“It wasn’t that bad. I didn’t mind hearing about that couple’s trip to Greece.”
“You’re nicer than me.” I patted his leg under the table. As darkness had fallen, twinkling patio lights had come on, casting a romantic glow over everything, making me wish we were somewhere more private. Over by the patio doors, catering staff wheeled out a towering table of dessert options. “They’re done setting up the dessert bar. I’m going to go nab us some options. The sooner we eat whatever melon-filled concoction Megan ordered, the sooner we can leave.”
“You got it.” Malik gave me an indulgent smile. And he was right. The whole evening hadn’t been that terrible. Bearable. I supposed that was the best I could hope for.
“Avery.” Speaking of modest hopes, my mother strode out the patio doors as I approached the dessert table.
“Party seems like a success. You and Megan must be happy.” Anticipating a lecture, I stepped out of the line of traffic into a small alcove on the other side of the doors.
“It has been…interesting. At least the guests seem to be enjoying themselves.” Mom followed me, studying me through a shrewd gaze. “Your…person seems very…polished.”
“Malik. He has a name. And you can say boyfriend.” Considering this was one of the first times I’d used the label myself, I was pretty proud of how easily the defense rolled off my tongue.
“Avery, let’s not be contentious.” She glanced around, but no one was paying us any attention. “You always did tend toward the drama.”
“I’m not.” I kept my voice low but firm. “I’m here because Megan wanted us here. And for the first time in my entire life, I’m truly happy with who I am, drama and all. Maybe I’m not difficult or extra like you always thought. Maybe I just hadn’t found a place where I fit in.”
If nothing else, the evening had been a stark reminder that this house hadn’t ever truly been home, and not simply because of all the moves that preceded it.
“And you think this…experiment is where you fit?”
“It’s not an experiment, Mom. I’m gay.” Surprisingly, I didn’t even need a deep breath or deliberation before the words sprang free. They’d been hovering in my brain since Valentine’s Day, waiting for me to catch up, until I finally said the word aloud, with conviction, not even a waver to my voice. “I’ve always been gay, but I ran from myself, hid, buried it deep, did whatever I could to not accept the truth about myself. High-school sports, the navy, the SEALs, I tried so hard to prove to everyone…” Now I did need that breath, a chance to collect myself. The years I’d wasted loomed large, all that time trying to outrun my height, my love of pretty things, my truth, all just to be a real man, whatever the fuck that toxic shit meant. “But the truth was always there. Waiting for me to be brave enough to see it. And now that I’ve found it, there’s no going back for me.”
“What if you break up?” Mom’s eyes narrowed like she’d discovered the fault in my logic. “Relationships are notoriously short-lived these days.”
“Says who?” I scoffed because I still had the champagne party favor from their thirty-fifth-anniversary celebration somewhere at my studio. “You’re the homecoming queen who married the football star. Sometimes things work out, and if they don’t, I’m still me. And I’m happy.”
“That’s what Megan said.” Her shoulders slumped, some of the argumentativeness leaving her tone, replaced by a defeated heaviness that wasn’t that much better. “She said you’re happy.”
