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“Yeah, I think it’ll be good to get some fresh mountain air,” I say, half-teasing. “There are a lot of memories here weighing me down.” Considering it all happened across the street, it’s impossible to fully get away.
“I can’t tell you how scared I was when Hunter finally told me everything,” Lennon admits softly. Knowing the guys risked their lives for me again is almost too much to handle. Though they tell me it was nothing, that they’d do it for any one of us, I can’t help but think if something would’ve happened, and those thoughts weigh heavy on my chest. Dalton could’ve shot any of them, and it would’ve ended my whole world. I know Lennon hasn’t said it, but I can’t imagine she’s happy that I’ve put Hunter in danger twice now. He’s such a good guy that he’d never let his friends fight alone, but if anything had happened to them, I wouldn’t be able to live with that. Lennon’s already lost so much.
“Liam told me, and I was shaking the whole time,” Maddie adds.
Mason told them both not to come over that night, knowing I wanted him to just hold me, but they came over first thing the next morning. They hugged me for hours, and it felt good to just have them here. But I knew they had their own lives to get back to and sitting with me wasn’t going to change what happened, so I eventually had to push them out that night. They’ve called and texted me every day since, of course.
Déjà vu.
That’s what this fucking feels like.
But this time, I’m going to get real help because that’s what I need. I want to be the friend, the sister, and the girlfriend they know and love. I can’t be that when I’m drowning in my own guilt, choking on my emotions, and hardly surviving.
“Do you know where Dalton is?” Lennon asks. “Has he been transferred yet?”
“As far as I know, he’s still in ICU. He developed an infection after surgery, so they had to keep him longer,” I say, repeating the words Mason told me yesterday. Mason’s been in contact with the officer, and he has enough friends in the department to get whatever information he wants. “I’ll be satisfied when he’s in prison across the country.”
“Or maybe he should be six feet under,” Maddie chimes in. “That’d make me satisfied.”
She told me the day after when they came to visit that she regrets leaving me alone with him in the car. When we dropped her off before our meeting, she said her gut said not to leave me. But she couldn’t have known. None of us did, not until it was too late.
“He’ll get his justice,” I try to reassure her. “Some day.”
“Not soon enough,” Lennon mumbles.
We were all raised in a Christian household, went to church weekly, and attended Bible study classes from the moment we could read. Forgiveness was embedded into our minds since childhood, but it hasn’t always been easy to do. Forgiveness isn’t for the people who’ve hurt and betrayed you. It’s for you. To give you a peaceful mindset and to help you let go of what you can’t control.
Forgiveness isn’t easy. It isn’t something that can be done overnight, but it’s something I can focus on to try to release the anger. Forgiving someone for their actions doesn’t mean forgetting; it only means realizing what’s been done can’t be changed and no longer allowing it to control your every waking moment.
I want to forgive the things that cannot be changed and move on with my life once and for all, but I’ll never forget. Never.
“I’ll be sure to tell Mom and Dad you both said hello.” I snicker, pulling myself away from those thoughts with hopes to change the subject.
The next morning as Mason drives me to the airport, he holds my hand as if it’s his lifeline. I hate leaving him behind, but I know this is what I have to do, even if he doesn’t want to let me go. He’s protective and has told me every day for the past week how much he loves me, and I don’t doubt it for a second. Hearing those words feels so damn magical, especially considering how long he’s hid and tried to fight his feelings over the years. I know he means them. I mean them too. I love him so damn much. So. Damn. Much.
Once we arrive, Mason pulls over into the drop-off zone, and we only have a minute to say goodbye.
“I know why you’re going, but I’m still sad you won’t be home with me every day and that I can’t protect you.” He brushes my hair from my face as the wind picks up. Mason sets my suitcase down and cups my face. “I’m going to miss you so damn much, baby.” With our foreheads pressed together, tears fill my eyes at the pain in his voice. “Don’t cry, sweetheart. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here, waiting for you to come back home to me.”
