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Derek looked like he wanted to give him hell. And, fuck, I wanted it to be Derek to tell him that he was an idiot. Because what in the actual hell was he talking about? Not only had Lila cheated on him and left him a few years ago, but he’d also gotten into some huge fight at the church last year with her new boyfriend. It had been horribly embarrassing. I couldn’t see why he’d ever want to see her again, let alone get back together with her.
But Derek didn’t do or say any of that. He just laughed and held his bottle up to clink against Ash’s. “Congrats, man. I know that’s what you’ve wanted all year.”
Ash grinned. “Thanks, man.”
“To you and Lila.”
Everyone raised their bottles and drank deeply from them. Smith held up his champagne and then headed over to Ash to give him proper congratulations. As if he had any fucking idea what all of this meant.
But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t stand here and act like it was a good thing. This wasn’t even about me and Ash. This was about him going willingly to his own death. I wouldn’t be party to that.
I made some excuse. The words left my mouth, but I had no recollection of what I’d said. Then, I walked through the double doors that led from the library to the backyard beyond. It was too cold for anyone to be out here, and I hadn’t grabbed a jacket, but I didn’t care. Not in that moment. Not when my anger propelled me forward.
My dress was long-sleeved and knee-length, but I’d skipped tights, knowing I’d stay inside all evening. I was shivering almost immediately as I leaned against the railing that led down to the covered pool. But I wasn’t ready to go back in. The library had been a sanctuary all those years. Now, Smith was waiting for me inside, and Ash had dropped a tragedy on our door. One that he was happy about. I just didn’t understand. I didn’t understand him at all. What hold did Lila Greer have over him?
I’d only been outside a few minutes when I heard footsteps approaching. I assumed it was Smith and turned to face him, prepared to tell him that we should go home. But it wasn’t Smith.
It was Ash.
“Hey,” he said, that smile faltering.
“Hey.”
“You’re freezing.” He slid out of his peacoat and wrapped it around my shoulders. “What are you doing out here?”
“I don’t know,” I lied. “Did Derek send you after me?”
“No. I think he’s trying to figure out your new boyfriend.”
“Good luck to him. I still haven’t figured him out yet.”
Ash leaned next to me. “What’s with you?”
I faced him, not able to hide my irritation. “What do you mean?”
“You seem pissed.”
I clenched my jaw. “You should go back inside.”
“I don’t want to go back inside,” he told me. “I want to know what’s going on with you. You’ve been weird since I moved to Atlanta. We used to be friends …”
A laugh punched out of me. “Friends.”
“What? Weren’t we?”
“We were. We are,” I corrected. “It’s not that. Tell me, Ash, did you move to Atlanta to be near Lila?”
He opened his mouth and then closed it. “I mean … it wasn’t the only reason.”
I clenched my jaw and nodded. “That’s what I thought.”
“What does that have to do with any of this?”
“You’re an idiot.”
“I’m an idiot?” he asked in shock at my words. “What the hell, Mia?”
“Don’t Mia me,” I snapped at him.
“Is this about what happened in New York? That was so long ago.”
“No. It has nothing to do with that. It has everything to do with why you came to New York to see me in the first place. Why you slept with me when you did visit.”
He glanced behind him, as if expecting Derek to hear that confession I’d kept behind my teeth for three years.
“He’s not coming out here. He’s drunk, Ash.”
“Maybe you are too.”
“I’m not. I’m just the only person who will tell you the truth.”
His eyes narrowed. “What does that mean?”
“That you and Lila shouldn’t have gotten back together. It’s a horrible fucking idea, and you and I both know it.”
Ash straightened at my words. “I don’t know that. I don’t know that at all.”
“You two are awful together. She cheated on you,” I spat at him. “You fought over her last Christmas. She didn’t choose you, Ash. Why are you falling all over yourself for her? Why are you so obsessed with her?”
“You don’t know her, Amelia. I love her.”
I nearly gagged at those words. “If that’s love, then I don’t want it.”
I turned to walk away from him, but he grabbed my arm and swung me back around.
“And what do you know about love? That guy in there, your boyfriend, do you love him? What about the last one? What about the one before that? Have you ever been in love?”
