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After a lifetime pushing intimacy away, it doesn’t feel fair to have been given all this.
Which is why I stand up when Janus comes back in the room from the kitchen with Hope. They’d been in there getting snacks for the kids.
I check in with Hope, “You mind if I steal Janus for a minute? I need to talk to him about something.”
Hope glances worriedly between us.
“It’s nothing bad,” I assure her.
“Then why don’t you talk about it here in front of me?” she asks.
Considering our history, I suppose it only makes sense that she’s anxious about anything that smacks of a secret. Especially now that things have only begun to be set right.
“I just want to have a quick word with him first and I promise we’ll talk about it with you right afterwards.”
When she still looks anxious, I step forwards and cup her cheeks. “I know it’s gonna be hard for you considering everything, honey, but I want you to start to be able to trust me. We’re a family now, and that’s not going to change. Sometimes I’ll need to talk to Janus about things, but that doesn’t mean we’re excluding you. It just means I need to talk about some things as I’m trying to make some decisions.”
“I want to help you make decisions,” Hope says stubbornly. “Stop deciding things and then making me live with the fallout.”
I kiss her, then take both of her hands in mine. “We’ll be gone ten minutes and then we’ll come talk to you. Can you trust me for ten minutes?”
She looks like she wants to balk, then breathes out and nods. “Yes, of course. Of course I trust you.”
Janus comes up from behind her and wraps his arms around her waist. Together, we sandwich her in a quick hug. “We’ll be just outside, then we’ll come right back in. You okay here with Milo and the kids?”
“Of course,” she says quickly, looking over at Milo, who has definitely noticed us huddled up here. Likely he thinks we’re whispering about him. I know Hope’s worried he’s thinking the same because she snakes out from in between him and walks over to plunk herself down on the floor by him and the active toddlers.
“Come on,” I say to Janus, putting a hand on his shoulder.
He looks at me warily.
Jesus, does no one in this family trust me? Maybe I don’t want to know the answer to that question. Even though I’ve been working my ass off for years now to prove to them I’m the man I want those kids to be able to look up to as a father.
Which is exactly why I want to have this conversation with my brother.
As soon as we step onto the back porch that overlooks our lush, landscaped backyard, I turn to him. “I want to retire. And if you want it, for you to take over the Leander Mavros name. Or you can use your own. Obviously, it’s up to you. But as hard as I’ve worked, I know you’ve been there every step of the way building up the Leander Mavros brand without really getting the perks. So if you want it, it can all be yours for real. Not just for a summer on one movie set.”
Janus’s mouth has dropped open, and he drags his hand through his hair as he turns to look back towards the door to the house, then at me again. “Is this some sorta fucked up trick?”
“What?” Is that what he really thinks of me? “Christ, no. I’m just tired. And these last couple years, the more I’ve thought about it, I’m not sure this was ever even a life I chose for myself. It was just what Mom wanted and told me I wanted. But the last couple years… It’s made me question everything I thought I knew.”
“And you think I don’t question myself, too?” Janus asks. “You’re not the only one lost Milo that day.”
“No, I didn’t mean—” Fuck, this is all coming out wrong. “Look, I finally sat down and watched The Italian Assignment the other day. You were… maybe it sounds fuckin’ dumb, but you were made for this shit. You were really damn good. Better than I would’ve been. I hate all the spotlight and pretending—”
“Oh, so I’m good at pretending—” Janus scoffs.
“That’s not what I’m saying,” I growl. “Stop putting words in my mouth. Why are you always so fucking determined to decide I’m being a shit about things?”
He sighs out a long breath and drags his hands through his hair again. “Why are you doing this?”
“You know why,” I say. “You know why. Just like you know I’m exhausted and haven’t been into any of this lifestyle for way too fucking long. If I ever was. I was literally just trying to make a woman I can’t stand… proud.”
