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“I’m so sorry,” I sobbed. They didn’t deserve this. How could I expect them to keep trying to hold me together when I was constantly just becoming even more fucked up?
“Shh,” Axel quieted me. “It’s not your fault, Little Sis. I still love you, no matter what,” he reminded me. “I’ll never give up on you. Remember that. When you feel alone, remember that promise.”
I nodded my head. He pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “I need you to be strong, okay? You’ve overcome worse, and you’ll overcome this,” he assured me. “Remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You just have to find it.”
“Tell Julian I’m trying to keep my promise,” I whispered. I needed Julian to know that.
Axel nodded. “And you’re brave for doing that, Sis. It takes real strength to fight those voices. Continue fighting. You didn’t come this far to give up.” He stood up from the couch. “Come on. Let’s go pack you a bag.”
I was packing my bag when my phone buzzed on my nightstand. I grabbed it, looking at the message from an unknown number.
Unknown Number
Your brother was nice enough to give me your number since I want to get to know you better. I know you’re having a rough day, but it gets better, beautiful. Just keep fighting. -Christian
Axel gave me a small smile, obviously having read the message over my shoulder. I was too tired and worn out to even be agitated. “Christian likes you, Sis. And I know that’s a terrifying thought for you, but he’s a good guy. I wouldn’t have given him your number otherwise. Go to the center, get evaluated, and get put on new medication. When you come home, we’ll ease back into everything.” He hugged me, squeezing me tightly. I bit back more tears. I was so tired of crying tonight. “But don’t push away people that want to be there for you, Ally. Maybe Christian can be there for you in a way that Julian, Meghan, and I can’t.”
My phone buzzed again, and Axel released me. I looked down at it to see another message from Christian.
Unknown Number
Your eyes reminded me of the moon the moment I looked into them. At first glance, they look brown, but there are these beautiful, golden flecks in them, and they shine so prettily when you smile. Be the moon, Ally. I look forward to taking you on a very nice date when you’re feeling better. -Christian
My heart swelled in my chest at Christian’s sweet words. Be the moon.
I hugged Axel one more time before I followed Dr. Gresham out of the house so he could take me to the center. I knew Axel would inform Meghan and Julian of what was going on because I couldn’t face them, especially Julian.
You’ll break your word soon enough.
I gritted my teeth, tears swimming in my eyes.
Christian’s words rang in my head again. Be the moon, Ally.
I drew in a deep, steadying breath. It was time to get better once again, and that meant I needed to face my fears.
3
BE THE MOON
Ally
Dr. Gresham smiled at me when his eyes landed on where I was sitting out in the garden. I was in front of the late-blooming rose bush Meghan had first pointed out to me when I was determined to get better. It was always the last to bloom, seeming dead for most of the year. And then, within days, it bloomed so beautifully. It always had the most roses and leaves.
It was our symbol of hope and growth.
I had been in the center for three days now. It was my choice to stay a little bit longer, just to be sure I wouldn’t do something stupid while I waited on my new medication to do its manipulations in my brain.
“Axel is here,” he informed me. “You ready to go?”
I shrugged. I felt safe here. There were nurses here who could keep a close eye on me, make sure I didn’t do anything stupid when left to my thoughts. But the voices had stopped, so I didn’t think there was any harm in going home now and resuming my mostly normal life.
I was just extremely nervous to do so.
With a deep breath, I stood up from the bench and stuffed my hands into the pockets of my hoodie. The temperature had surprisingly already dropped for fall, and I knew it was going to be a cold, wicked winter this year.
When I stepped into the reception area with my bag, Axel was leaning against one of the walls, his hands shoved into the pockets of his slacks. His eyes instantly found mine, and he offered me a warm smile.
“Hey, Little Sis,” he greeted, drawing me into his arms and hugging me.
I sighed, wrapping my own arms around him, thankful to have someone as amazing as him in my life. Axel would always be my rock, and I knew I would always be able to rely on him.
