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Drawing in a deep breath, I nodded and stood up, shimmying out of my leggings and panties, handing them over to Christian to put with the rest of my clothes. I laid back down on the exam room cot. Christian draped the paper sheets over me, making sure my body was covered.
He lifted my scarred arm up to his lips and pressed a kiss to each healed cut. “You’ve come so far, my moon. Just draw in a deep breath and remember that we’re here with you,” he told me. “Caiden and I are never going anywhere, beautiful, and this doctor doesn’t care about your scars.”
A light knock came on the door. Christian released my wrist and walked over to open it. Stacie stepped into the room. “Ready?” she asked as she grabbed a pair of gloves and slid them on.
“As ready as I’ll ever be,” I admitted. I drew in a deep breath. “I’m really nervous,” I blurted.
“That’s understandable. Just remember that there’s no judgment in this room.” She grabbed the bottle of lube and sat on her stool. I placed my feet on the edge of the bed, spreading my legs for her. I gripped Caiden’s hand when she began to do the pap smear, and I winced when she began checking my cervix.
“Everything looks good there,” she said as she slid back on her stool and pulled her gloves off. I dropped my legs, easing my grip on Caiden’s hand. He kept his hand linked with mine, brushing his thumb over the back of it.
After doing my breast exam, and not saying a single word about my scars, she let me get dressed and then led us to the ultrasound room on the other side of the building.
“Hi, sweetheart,” the ultrasound tech greeted. She patted the cot. “Go ahead and lay back on here and pull your shirt up to just under your breasts and pull your leggings down for me some.”
I did as she instructed, forcing my breathing to stay steady. I was extremely nervous. This ultrasound would decide if I’d somehow fucked up again.
She squeezed warm gel on my skin and pressed her wand to my belly. Tears instantly sprang to my eyes and spilled over onto my cheeks as I stared at my baby on the screen. I sobbed, my hands coming up to cover my mouth.
“It’s still just a little too early for me to tell what you’re having, but the baby is extremely healthy. It’s a little over its normal range in terms of growth, which is just fine. You might just give birth to a chunky baby.” She smiled at me.
My little baby kicked its legs and swung its arms around. Christian grabbed my hands in his, drawing my eyes to him. He smiled at me. “Told you,” he whispered. “You’re going to be an amazing mom.”
“It’s not like last time,” I choked out.
He shook his head. “No, baby, it’s not. You’re going to give birth to a beautiful, healthy baby.”
I began crying uncontrollably. I was pretty sure the ultrasound technician was alarmed, but I couldn’t help it. My baby was alive and healthy.
I was finally being the mom I should have been to my first baby.
The ultrasound tech whispered something about leaving the room and giving us some privacy. Caiden instantly sat on the bed and pulled me onto his lap, holding me tight in his arms, and Christian held my hands in his. “I’m a bit confused,” Caiden admitted.
“She lost her first baby,” Christian quietly explained. “Her ex—the one you know about—” he said, not mentioning Randall’s name, “was the dad. Long story short, she caught him cheating, and she spiraled—went home and took almost all of her antidepressants. It caused her to miscarry.”
“Fuck, baby,” Caiden rasped. He pressed his lips to the top of my head and gently rocked me. “You’re not losing this one, you got me? You’re never going to hit that point in your life again. I swear to you, I will hold up every bit of you by myself if I have to, but you will get to be the mom that you should have been able to be from the very beginning.”
“I’m sorry,” I croaked. “Seeing the baby—it was—” I couldn’t finish speaking.
“I know, beautiful,” Christian soothed.
I pressed my hand to my belly. Caiden and Christian covered my hand with theirs. I closed my eyes and flipped my hand over, wrapping my fingers around theirs.
I wasn’t alone, and my men were never going to let me be alone again.
I giggled as Caiden tried feeding me yet another fry. We were out eating at a casual burger joint per Caiden’s request since he was craving something greasy. I swear, this man had more cravings than I did, and I was the one pregnant.
“Caiden, stop.” I laughed. “I seriously cannot eat anymore.”
