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It can't.
CHAPTER10
CHLOE
Holy shit, I did it.
I actually did it. I got Sam to sleep with me. Well, I didn’t give him much choice in the matter, but he sure seemed to enjoy it by the end, just like I knew he would. Closing my eyes, a shiver races down my spine as I remember the look on Sam’s face when he came inside me.
Yes, he definitely wanted it.
I can tell by the way he looked at me, the way he worked his arm free so he could force more of himself inside me. What I didn’t expect was for me to want it too.
I wet my lips, my heart racing as an unfamiliar feeling tingles between my legs. I’m not used to feeling turned on by men, especially ones like Sam, who are responsible for causing me so much hurt. It confuses me because I don’t want to feel that way about him. I don’t want him to turn me on. I want to have to force myself to sleep with him, because what kind of freak does it make me that Ilikedit, that I enjoyed the way it felt when his bare cock was inside me?
I let out a bitter laugh. I guess I shouldn’t be so shocked that I’m this messed up. All the abuse I went through when I was a kid had to have some effect on how I view sex. Sam is just as bad as those who abused me. In many ways, he’s worse, because he could havestoppedit. Feeling anything sexual for him should repulse me. It does repulse me, but it also excites me.
God, I feel sick to my stomach that I’m letting him get under my skin like this, but no matter what I do, I can’t seem to stop it. I can’t seem to stop my scattered thoughts from thinking about him, imagining his strong, warm hands on my body, or how hard he made me come.
This was the first sexual experience I’ve ever had where I had felt likeIwas the one in control of the situation. It’s the first time I have let a man touch me with my consent. It’s the first time anyone other than myself has made me climax and I’m not sure what to make of that.
I look up at the knock on the door, then I push myself upright, wrapping my thin robe around my body, and go to it. It’s late, just after midnight on Saturday morning, which means there’s only one of two people it could be. Peering through the little peephole, I see that it's Jake. I sigh and let him inside.
“You could have given me a chance to clean up, at least,” I say, rolling my eyes.
Jake's jaw clenches. He walks in and says nothing. His eyes take in the bed, unmade and rumpled, and he breathes in the scent of sex and cheap booze. His fingers clench at his sides.
“So, it's done, then?”
I smirk. “Of course.”
Jake scowls at my feet. He's always been a moody one. I want to roll my eyes again, but I don't want to piss him off more, or linger on the subject. I go back to the bedside table where a hair tie lies so I can pull my hair up.
“Relax. This is going to change our lives, remember?”
“I should be the one doing the dirty work,” Jake whispers. He's still scowling, but his voice is gentler now.
“No offense, but I don't think you're Sam's type,” I say, trying to lighten the mood as I sit and grin at him.
Jake's eyes narrow and flash to me. “On a first-name basis now, are we?” he challenges, eyebrows rising.
I do roll my eyes this time. If he's in the mood to antagonize me, then he's calmer than when he's just stone silent. “Relax,” I tell him again. “I have my eye on the prize.”
“Yeah, well.” Jake looks at the bed again, jaw bulging at the corners. He sucks in a deep breath. “You know what I mean. I hate the thought of you having to do…this.” His nose wrinkles in distaste. “We could've kept going the way we were—”
“You've already got a record,” I remind him. “And an outstanding warrant. You think robbing houses is a viable future?”
“Better than letting my sister fuck her teacher,” he snaps, glaring at me again. “You think university is going to be an option if you get caught?”
“You’re forgetting one important thing,” I remind him with a sigh, dropping my hands once I'm done tying my hair up. “I'mthe victim here, remember?”
“If this works,” Jake mutters, rubbing a hand over his face and shaking his head. “And God knows how long you're going to have to keep this up for. Do you even know?”
“Jesus, will you just relax,” I say, standing up and walking over to him. I put my hands on his shoulders and force him to meet my eyes, giving him a warm smile. “I have this under control, Jake, I promise. I can handle it and I think you’re forgetting hedeservesthis.”
“He’s not the one who hurt you, Clo.”
“But he didn’t stop it,” I say, clenching my teeth as rage burns inside me. “Doing nothing is just as bad, Jake. Heknewwhat was happening. There’s no way he couldn’t have known. That makes him as guilty as his father, and since I can’t kill him twice…”
