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Alyssa is on the bathmat on the floor, leaning over the toilet while holding her hair back. It’s blonder now. Gregory made her go to a proper hairdresser who scolded her about the box dye, which apparently wrecks your hair and is therefore is “not for superstars.” I rush to her side and carefully lift it out of her face as she retches violently again.
“Cam, what are you doing? I don’t want you to see me like this.” She looks up at me. Her face is pale with a slight sheen of sweat.
“It’s okay, honey,” I say, trying out the classic endearment. It feels weird. Nothing has really stuck with her for me as to pet names. “Did you eat something funky? I think we all had the same food as you. When did this start?”
“I don’t think it’s food poisoning,” she says slowly as she leans away from the toilet bowl, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. I take the opportunity to wet a washcloth and dab it on her forehead. “Food poisoning doesn’t last this long.”
“How long has it been happening? Do you have a headache?”
“No…”
“Then what’s going on?”
She wipes her mouth and stands up. “It’s been happening for the last week.”
Why I haven’t noticed? “The last week! Have you been to the doctor?”
“Not yet.” A small smile flashes across her face. “But I did go to the pharmacy with Marina.”
“Pharmacy,” I say. “So did you get any meds?”
“Not exactly.” She slides a drawer open and reaches in. “We got this.” She tosses me a small cardboard box. I catch it, but as my fingers close over it, the words on the box become clear:Early Answer: HCG Test for Pregnancy. I look up at her, my mouth falling open. “I’ve been too scared to do the test,” she says, her eyes filling with tears. “Marina bought them for me. We figured there is less of a chance the paparazzi would be watching her, at least until her film comes out.”
“Good thinking,” I nod. “But why didn’t you say anything to us? To me?”
“There was nothing definitive to say,” she says.
“I want to be here for you,” I say, taking her in my arms. “We all do.”
“I know, Cam, but this might be too much for all of us.”
I hesitate. “Do you want to take the test now?”
“I guess?” she answers, as I brush a stray lock of her hair away from her face. Even scared, even sick, to me she looks beautiful. “If you will stay with me.”
“Of course,” I murmur.
She flushes the toilet and sticks her thumbs in the sides of her pants, ready to slide them down. She shoots me a look and despite seeing her naked every which way for the last six months, I turn around to give her some privacy. Fingers fumbling, I unwrap the test and pass it to her behind my back, and then unfold the page of instructions from the box and scan it. Two blue lines means pregnant, one line means not pregnant. Three minutes until we know our fate.
I hear some tinkling, a flushing sound.
My heart is in my throat. What will it mean if we have a child together? I never thought of us being fathers. She does up her pants with a snap and washes her hands. I feel her arms circling my waist from behind, the test clutched in her hand.
“I’ve never taken one of these before,” she confides, talking into my back, her voice shaky. “I’ve always been on the shot, since I had terrible cramps. But with all the craziness with Geesha and everything, birth control was the last thing on my mind. I hope you’re not mad.” Her voice breaks, and I turn, taking her in my arms.
“Mad? Alyssa, are you kidding?” I cover the top of her head with small kisses as I hold her in my arms. “How could I be mad? How could any of us?”
“I fucked up,” she says.
“No, you did the best you could in the situation we were all in,” I tell her, tipping her face up to look in her beautiful amber eyes. They’re glassy with unshed tears. “Baby,” I say, not sure if I mean the possible pregnancy or a new nickname for her, but suddenly it feels so right. “My baby.” I don’t know why I searched so long for something to call her when the simplest solution is the right one. “My baby,” I repeat, voice low and crackly.
She lets out a little sob and wraps her arms around me tightly.
“Should we check the test? Is it ready yet?” I’ve never seen one of these things in person either.
Her voice is muffled against my chest now. “You look. I’m too scared!”
I pry the test out of her hand. It’s upside down. “Okay,” I say. Even before I turn it over, I guess what it’s going to say, and my heart does a little leap in my chest. A baby would be the perfect addition to our little family, and certainly would not be wanting for love.
