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“No scathing rebuttal?” he mocks. “Hm, you’re sicker than I thought.”
He feeds me some more spoonfuls in silence, but his words keep replaying in my head.I’ll tell you after our wedding.My mind is filled with unwanted images—a white dress with a cathedral train, a magical garden venue and Alexander dressed to the nines waiting for me at the end of the aisle. My stomach flutters.
I shouldn’t be thinking like this.
The soup is almost finished when I finally find my voice, and it must have helped because the urge to curse him out is coming back
He’s being so gentle with me.
So tender. He’s taking care of me like I’m the most precious thing to him. He acts like he can’t exist in a world without me in it, like he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I know for a fact he’ll kill anyone who hurts me.
In any other universe, our love story would be perfect.
He would be everything I ever wanted. If only.
It must be the delirium from being ill, but I find myself struggling to hold back my emotions. And, it isn’t the familiar anger that’s buoyed me these past few weeks. It isn’t the hatred that insulated me. No, it’s actualsadness, a deep mourning for what could have been.
For what I think I want.
“It didn’t have to end this way,” I say, narrowing my eyes. They are already starting to burn. “It was already bad enough that you didn’t want to make me your girlfriend and you fucked me the same way you fucked Cassidy,” I nearly choke spitting out her name. “But maybe I could have gotten over that after a while.” What the fuck am I even saying? “But no, you had to break my trust even more. You had to prove to me just how little I matter to you.” A tear rolls down my cheek. “I hope this cold kills me so you have to live with it for the rest of your life.”
Alexander is staring at me, expressionless.
A wave of déjà vu hits me—this feels so much like the argument that led to our break up in that hotel bathroom. Me, caught up in my emotions and begging him to feel something for me, while he’s staring at me like I’ve grown a second head. I expect him to lash out at me, to say all those hurtful things he said the last time.
But he doesn’t.
Instead, he heaves a sigh, setting the spoon aside.
“Believe me, I know that things didn’t have to be like this,” he begins, staring into my eyes with an intensity that makes me shudder. “I’m reminded of it every single day I look at you, Alize.” He takes my hand. “I know that I didn’t say the right things when you confronted me the first time. I wasn’t honest with what I was feeling because I wasn’t even sure of it until after.”
I watch him carefully, my heart pounding in my chest.
“I planned to talk to you about all of this tomorrow, when I actually have the evidence to make you believe me.” He pushes a few slick hairs back from my temple. “You deserve the truth, Alize. I’m going to give it to you,allof it.”
“The truth?” I mumble. “I know all the facts, Alexander. You—”
Alexander presses a finger to my lips. “Shh,” he whispers. “Tomorrow. Today you’re sick. Today, I’m going to take care of you and help you feel better. Tomorrow we can iron everything out, once and for all.”
I stare at him for a long moment. The tempest in my chest wants me to push this conversation. What could possibly change in twenty-four hours that hasn’t changed in the past few weeks? I’m reminded of his little speech yesterday before he gave me this cold.
“I’m never going to forgive you, no matter how many orgasms you give me.”
Alexander grins, like he’s pleased with himself. “Is that a challenge? You know I can’t resist you.”
“I have already made up my mind,” I huff.
“Then I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to change it,” he says with a shrug. “I’ve made up my mind too, Alize. I would rather beg for your forgiveness every day than start over with anyone else, in any lifetime.” His gaze hardens. “You’re mine. You always have been, and you always will be.”
I break eye contact with him, my chest swelling. The conversation’s taken an overwhelming turn. I shouldn’t have brought this up, not when I’ve already made up my mind to disappear.
The soup is cold now. “As a matter of fact, since we’re on this topic, I’m bringing you home to meet my father over the winter break.”
I pause mid-slurp. “What?”
He nods. “My father wants to meet you. He heard about our engagement.”
My eyes widen. Does the whole fucking world know about our fake engagement? From everything I’ve heard of Alexander’s father, I don’t want to meet him. “Why didn’t you tell him that it’s fake?” I toldmyfather it was fake.
