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“I’ll show you when we get in. You can have a pager, too. And of course a safe word.”
I like this club more and more. It’s a safe place.
“Are you ready?” Zorro asks.
“I am, Zorro.”
“Then come with me, my lovely Elena. Let me make you quiver.”
Chapter Forty-Two
Jackson
The club holds no interest for me tonight. After I have a quick gin and tonic at the bar, I head back and find an empty suite. I go alone. I sit down on the bed.
And I wonder…
Do I have these feelings for Mandy?
If I do… Is Frankie right? Is Mandy in love with me as well?
So many years we’ve put into our friendship. I cherish it, and I don’t want to lose it.
I lie down. It’s selfish of me to take up a suite when I’m not doing a scene, but right now I don’t care.
I need to think.
I should go home and think, but this place… This place is where I am my most authentic self. This is where I want to be at this moment.
I like sex. I’ve always liked sex. I’m good at it, and the kinkier the better.
It took me a few years to recognize this in myself. But once I did, I knew it was who I authentically am in the bedroom.
I’m a Dominant.
I love being a Dominant.
Perhaps there’s a reason why—though I’m good at it and I enjoy pleasing my partner—I’ve never allowed any emotion to form with a submissive.
Thinking back…
I’m not sure I’ve ever allowed emotion to form with any woman.
I love you.
I’ve never said those words.
Not even to my high school girlfriend, who I considered marrying. I was so young that I had no idea what marriage was, except that I thought I could have it with Serena—my only relationship to last longer than a couple of months. It lasted the duration of our senior year in high school.
Serena was the homecoming queen to my king.
The head cheerleader to my most valuable player on the football team.
We broke up after graduation, each going our separate ways. Serena fought me on the breakup. She wanted to stay together, to eventually get married. I considered it. Serena was everything I thought I could ever want in a woman. She was blond, buxom, smart, and athletic. Tall and beautiful. I believe I did care for her very much. But I never said the words.
And then there was Mandy.
Mandy, who showed up at every one of my games and cheered the loudest. Mandy, who was the last person I said goodbye to before leaving for college. Not Serena but Mandy.
