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Perhaps she didn’t hear me. She’s made no indication of it.
What if Frankie and Penn are wrong? What if shedoesn’tfeel the same way?
What if she doesn’t want to lose our friendship? I don’t want to lose it, either. It’s been the one constant in my life for nearly all my twenty-nine years. I don’t know what I would do without it.
What if I can’t commit to her? I feel like I want to, but what if it’s not possible for me? If it were possible, surely I’d have been able to do it before now.
I lean down and kiss the side of her neck. She shudders beneath me.
“Are you okay?” I ask. “It’s tough on your body to be bound in a certain position for so long. I want to make sure I’m taking care of you.”
“I’m fine, Jack.”
“You sure?”
“I’m so very sure. I don’t think I’ve ever felt as fine as I do right now.”
“Good. I’m glad.”
“Do you know what would make me feel even better?”
“What’s that?”
“If you would take off your shirt and lie next to me. Just hold me.”
Holding my partner isn’t something I do after a scene. I take care of her, yes. But holding—snuggling—that constitutes an emotional bond, something I’ve never wanted.
The truth is, though, Iamemotionally involved with Mandy. I love her. I always have.
As much as I ache to give her what she desires, I can’t. Not until I know where this is heading. I absolutely cannot give up my friendship with her, and if we’re not on the same page—if she can’t accept that I may not be able to commit to her long-term—I can’t allow it to continue. I would rather go back to being friends.
Best friends.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I can’t.”
“But you just said—” She stops abruptly.
God. I’m right. I said it out loud.
“We need to talk,” I tell her.
“Do we?”
“Do we what?”
“Do we need to talk,sir?”
The snide tone ofsirisn’t lost on me.
This is my own fault. I left the scene before she did by saying the words, by unbuckling her. I brought her to the bed and took care of her without explaining what I was doing.
I left the scene. But so did she. She addressed me as Jack instead of sir.
And now I’m getting all Dominant on her again.
“I can’t do this,” I say.
“Can’t do what exactly?” She pauses a moment. Then,“Sir.”
