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I drop onto the ground, panting hard.
My door pushes open, and Evanesce walks in. She’s the only one in the clubhouse who dares come into my room without being invited. She looks around slowly, taking in the mess I created. Then, she sighs softly and comes to sit beside me on the ground. She places her hand gently over mine, dropping her head on my shoulder like she always did as a child. I immediately feel calmed by her presence.
“I sensed you in there,” I say quietly after a long comfortable silence. “The boys would be mad if they knew you attended church.”
Evanesce snorts quietly. “Not if you don’t tell. They won’t know.”
I chuckle silently. “I don’t even have the heart to scold you.”
“Are you worried about the eviction notice?” Evanesce asks gently, raising her head to search my face. “Is that the reason for your…episode? You haven’t been like this in a long time.”
Evanesce doesn’t judge me. If anything, her love for me grows impossibly stronger – I know because I can feel it coming off her in waves. However, she knows I don’t like to talk about my ugly side. It’s why she always hedges around the topic.
I heave a heavy sigh. “I guess the thought of being homeless again triggered me.” I lace my fingers with hers and look into her eyes. “I can’t…I can’t go back to that time, Evanesce.”
“You’re overthinking things, Pocus,” Evanesce says. She sounds gentle but firm. “The past is in the past, but you keep dragging it to your present. Don’t you see how much damage that’s doing to you? You’re one of the strongest men I know, and it hurts me to see you in so much pain…” her voice trails off as she tries to hold in a sob. It doesn’t matter, though…her sadness courses through my veins like it’s mine.
“Don’t you think I try?” I ask, keeping my voice steady. “How do you think I feel each time I look into the shattered remains of the mirror on my wall? But I know very well what it feels like to have your life suddenly yanked away from beneath you. I’ve experienced how fast things can spiral downward with just a little nudge. I…I never want to go back there. It’s enough that I relive it in my dreams.”
My voice is as raw as the conflicting emotions I feel at the moment. I’m in a place where I’m mentally stuck between my turbulent past and demanding presence. I don’t think anyone will ever truly understand how I feel – not even Evanesce.
“You’re hurting so bad,” Evanesce says in a broken voice. Her hand tightened around mine, heightening the emotional rush that her senses project to mine. She must be really upset. I hate that even more than I hate the damn letter from The Department of Code Enforcement.
“In times like these, my abilities seem so useless,” Evanesce says with a sigh that weighs heavily on my heart.
I turn my body so that I can look into her eyes. I want her to see the sincerity in mine. “Your abilities are a gift, Evanesce. Never, at any moment, believe otherwise,” I say firmly.
“But I want you to stop hurting,” Evanesce says, lowering her eyes from mine. Her lashes glisten with tears, and it suddenly feels like someone is tearing away at my heart.
I catch the first teardrop with my thumb. “Nesce….”
She shrugs. “It’s just…I feel so useless. I can make other people’s pain go away with just a touch, but I can’t do anything about yours. I can’t heal wounds of the heart, and yours is as deep as the ocean. You’re in so much pain, but you have to be strong for many people. You can’t even give in to your weakness when you have to take and empathize with everyone else's. That’s unfair.”
“I’ll be fine.” My words are far from the truth, but I think she knows that. I’ll never be free from the rage and pain of being rejected and mistreated so many times. Over and over again by the ones who, by natural order, were supposed to protect us. I manage a smile. “I always come out stronger in the end.” Not whole, but stronger. “Because I’ve got you.”
Evanesce smiles and nods her head. “What are you going to do about the notice?”
A rough sound escapes my throat. “Someone is trying to rock the foundation of our clubhouse, but I won’t let them…I’m going to fight. I’m going to kill the damn president if that’s what it takes.”
“I’ll help in any way I can,” Evanesce says, looking meaningfully into my eyes. “You only need to say the word.”
“Thanks, Coco,” I reply, genuinely touched by her willingness to put herself in the midst of the storm that’s my life. But there’s no way on earth I will let that happen. “I’ll take care of this.”
A soft smile spread over her face, and I felt her heart skip happily. “Coco,” she repeats, her voice ringing with nostalgia. “You sure haven’t called me that in a while.
“It’s just…,” I shrug self-consciously. “I don’t like remembering things from that time.”
“I’ll never forget how you always protected me, though,” Evanesce says, dropping her head on my shoulder again. “You still do.”
I drop my head to hers, drawing strength from her silent offer of comfort. “And I always will.”Until I draw my last breath….
I keep the last bit to myself. It’s an oath I took many years ago; never to let go of the people I care for, even if it costs my life.
CHAPTERTWO
Abby
My mission is clear.
