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“I’m willing to risk it.” I shrug, knowing she wouldn’t know how to do that. You have to call and verify a bunch of shit with the security company. I know because Ryan tried to change it so we could sneak up here one weekend, but his parents busted him after they got an alert.
“So how’s your sister doing?” She changes the subject abruptly, but I don’t mind. My sister was one of my best friends growing up and still is.
“Ava’s great.” That reminds me I have to text her and make sure she’s self-isolating, too. “Not exactly your biggest fan…” I mock, finding it ironic she’s asking about her. “She’s going to freak out when I mention the two of us are here.”
Cami groans, sucking in a deep breath. “Another person I need to make amends with, I suppose.”
I shrug, twirling the pasta with my fork. “Wouldn’t hurt.”
“If we ever get to leave and go back to civilization, I’ll make sure I do. I’d rather apologize in person.”
“I’m sure she’d appreciate that. I know I would.”
Chapter Seven
CAMERON
Day 4
After dinner last night, we talked casually as we cleaned the kitchen and put our leftovers in the fridge. Yet again, I was reminded of how being a selfish teenager affected Eli’s sister, Ava. She’d come over with him, and I could tell she was desperate for a friendship, but I had this false idea in my head of who was allowed in my life. Knowing I hurt a lot of people is something I live with and regret every day. I don’t want to be that person anymore, and I’ll do whatever it takes to make things right with those I treated poorly.
We said good night and went our separate ways. I still had some homework to finish but could feel my anxiety spiking. When Eli and I are hanging out, even for like five minutes, I forget that we’re in the midst of a global pandemic. It’s when I’m left alone that reality smacks me in the face. Uncontrollable fear resurfaces and reminds me that this isn’t some nightmare I’m stuck in.
It’s reality.
Chanel wakes me up earlier than usual, nudging me with her nose to feed her. It’s chilly, so I wrap myself in a throw blanket and slide my slippers on before grabbing her dishes and going to the kitchen.
“Alright, alright. Calm down,” I tell her as she meows louder, following me downstairs.
Bruno’s asleep on the couch, and I look around for Eli but don’t see him. Thankfully, Chanel is more concerned about eating than antagonizing the dog this morning.
Once her bowls are full, she follows me back upstairs to my room. That same uneasy feeling that visited last night returns, and I know a panic attack is coming. I’ve gotten them periodically since high school, but I haven’t experienced one in months. Things are starting to get to me, and it hasn’t even been a week.
Crawling back on the bed, I curl into a ball and wrap my arms around my legs, holding them tight to my body. I close my eyes and slowly count. My heart races even though I’m not moving, and my head is heavy.
After ten minutes, I stand and pace the room, unable to calm down. It agitates me more. My chest tightens, and I know the worst is still to come.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, I take deep breaths and try to picture what life was like before all of this happened. Somehow, weeks seem like so long ago.
A knock sounds on the door, and I look up, trying to stabilize my breathing.
“Come in,” I say.
Eli peeks his head inside before opening the door wider. “You okay? I could hear you pacing up here.”
I blow out an unsteady breath and nod. “Just working through a panic attack.” Placing my hands on my knees, I slouch over and close my eyes.
“Jesus, Cami. Let me help,” he says, stepping inside.
“You can’t.” I inhale, then slowly release it. “It’ll eventually pass.”
“Did something trigger it?” he asks, sitting next to me on the bed.
“I don’t really know. Just…everything. All the unknowns are a lot to handle right now,” I explain. “I guess it started to really hit me that this is happening. I was watching some news footage on my phone last night and read a few articles, which didn’t help my anxiety. Then I started thinking about Ryan and how scared I was for him. I tried to sleep through it, but it came back in full force this morning.”
Eli stands, then leans down and lifts me until my arms wrap around his neck. “What are you doing?” I squeal.
“Just hold on,” he instructs as he walks us to one of the oversized chairs by the window. I’m still wrapped in a blanket, but my temperature always rises when my anxiety is high. I’ll start sweating soon, but I don’t care.
