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“I… I don’t know, okay?” Edward says with a helpless gesture. “But then I see the way you look at me with such hate, and I realize I must have done something pretty bad.”
I scoff at the ludicrousness of his words. “The way I look at you? You looked at me with ten times the hatred you see in my eyes right now when we were kids. You tried to kill me on several occasions and take away the things that make me happy. How’s that for pretty bad?”
I watch Edward struggle with confusion. He doesn’t believe he could have done those things, but he also knows I’m not lying.
“But…,” he shakes his head in disbelief. “But we’re brothers.” A nostalgic smile filters onto his face, tinged with a hint of sadness that reflects in his eyes as she looks up at me. “Do you remember how we used to chase crickets in our yard as boys dreaming of becoming men? We had some solid plans, man.”
I close my eyes briefly, reining in my chest's violent burst of irritation. “Do you know the most annoying part of this whole thing, Ed?” I ask after a few seconds of awkward silence. “It’s the fact that you conveniently forgot the bad things that you did… the people you hurt… those memories were meant to haunt you for life. You talk about the time we chased crickets in the yard…,” I remark with a regrettable snort. “That’s one of our few good memories as brothers. And that was a fucking long time ago.”
Edward runs a hand through his hair and drops his head into his hands. His shoulders shake, a strange sound emitting from deep within his chest.
“Are you laughing?”
Edward slowly raises his head, and I’m beyond shocked to see tears rolling down his eyes.
“You’re… crying?” I ask, more than a little confused.
Edward shrugs. “I just can’t believe how much of a vile person I am. I’d hoped I was someone… human, flawed, but human nonetheless.”
“Just fucking kill me,” he sobs.
“Great, brother,”‘ I say in an emotionless tone. “You’ve just made my decision easier. Death it is, then.”
And with that, I turn around and walk away from him.
* * *
“I’ve decided.”
Pocus looks up from the book in his hands, something about fatherhood for dummies, and looks at me with an inquisitive expression.
“About what?” Pocus asks.
“About who, rather,” I correct, sitting up in my chair. I shrug lightly. “I’ve decided on what to do about Edward.”
Pocus bookmarks his book and sets it aside. “And what have you decided, my friend?”
“I’m going to let him go,” I reply quietly.
Pocus searches my face for a moment. “Are you sure about this?”
I shrug in response. “I’ve thought about it, and that’s the best I could come up with. Punishing him for a crime he doesn’t remember doesn’t feel right. I guess the amnesia itself is enough punishment.”
“Does that mean you forgive him?”
I shake my head. “No, I don’t. I don’t think I ever can. But at the end of the day, he’s my brother. I can’t have his blood on my hands. Graveyard thinks he should be ready to go in a few days. I’ll take him back home.”
“To England? Yourself?”
“Yeah,” I reply with a sigh. “It’s time I accepted who I am and where I’m from. I’ve been running for too long. If the people back home don’t accept me, then so be it. I have everything I need right here.”
“You’ve made a good choice, mon ami,” Pocus says with an encouraging smile. “Fear is the greatest enemy of man. But you have finally learned to render your demons powerless. The feeling can be quite liberating.”
I know he’s talking from experience. There was once a time when Pocus wore his fear like armor, but that was a long time ago, though.
“I’m able to make this decision only because wonderful people surround me,” I say, looking directly into his eyes to pass the deeper meaning behind my words.
Pocus nods wordlessly and picks up his book again. I give an amused look to my friend, who still doesn’t know how to handle a compliment even after all he’s been through these many years. He’s all about duty and responsibility. If he is only doing his job, he doesn't need to be appreciated. He’s more than the club’s president or just a friend, though…Pocus is more of a brother to me than Edward will ever be.
