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But I know it won’t help me now.
When we reach the house,the place is dark and empty. The staff have clearly all been sent home, which worries me even more. Did he have them leave because he doesn’t want witnesses here?
Just what it is he capable of?
Sebastian strolls to the living room and pours himself a drink at the bar. I trail behind him, on edge. Waiting for the explosion I know is coming.
He’s standing next to the beautiful piano when he finally turns to me and speaks.
“What the fuck are you playing at?” he asks. His gaze searches me, and I’m surprised to find confusion in his usually superior gaze.
He doesn’t know the truth.
Relief washes through me, so intense I almost sink to the floor. My secret agenda is still safe. Sebastian doesn’t understand that I’m trying to destroy him. He doesn’t see what I was really up to with my trip to Sussex.
Which means I have a way to talk myself out of this.God. I take a deep breath, my mind racing. This is my only chance, and I have to deliver the performance of a lifetime.
“I’m sorry,” I say, making my voice small. I try to sound like I’m on the verge of tears, which doesn’t take much, after the rollercoaster of emotions I’ve gone through today. “I shouldn’t have gone to find Scarlett.”
“So why did you?” Sebastian’s eyes drill into me. He’s wary, on-edge, and I know, the smallest misstep will send him into a furious rage.
And for good reason. Because if he knew what I was really doing…
I gulp, not needing to fake my anxiety or fear in this moment. “I just… I want to know you!” I exclaim, taking a step towards him. “I’ve been here for weeks, and sometimes, it’s like we’re getting closer, but then… You push me away and keep these walls up around you. You have all these secrets,” I add, keeping my eyes wide and plaintive. “You won’t let me in, and I just… I just wanted to know more, that’s all.”
I sound desperate and needy. Good. He has to feel like he has all the power right now, that I’m just a weak, smitten girl wanting to be closer to him.
“You don’t understand what it’s been like,” I continue, my voice shaking with emotion. “You just whisked me away from everything I know, you saved me from Nero, and it’s been this incredible whirlwind, but I thought… I thought it wouldn’t mean anything to me. But it does.” I take another step closer. “Youdo. I didn’t expect any of this, but I can’t control how I’m feeling. All these emotions, the things you do to me…”
I trail off, as if I’m overwhelmed. And I am. Because the truth is, my words aren’t entirely a lie.
I didn’t expect any of this. I can’t control how I’m feeling, how much I want him, and the twisted, fucked-up things we do in the dark.
How his lessons are unravelling me, and everything I thought I knew about myself.
And maybe it’s that kernel of truth that’s my saving grace, because Sebastian takes a long, slow swallow of whiskey…
And then exhales. Relaxing.
“You could have just asked me,” he says, looking weary. “Instead of disturbing my sister like that.”
He bought it.
Holy shit. I try not to show my relief. “Ihaveasked you, all kinds of things,” I say, moving closer. “But you just deflect everything personal about your life. Why won’t you open up?” I gaze up at him. “I just want to know you. Tounderstandyou.”
Sebastian gives me a ghost of a smile. Full of bitterness, and something else too, something dark I can’t quite decipher.“Are you sure about that?”
“Yes.” I say, closing the distance between us. I take his hand, and gently guide him to the couch. I can’t believe it, but I almost feel like his defenses are coming down.
“What did Scarlett tell you?” Sebastian asks, looking down at where I’m still holding his hand.
I take a careful breath. “She said that she was in the car accident that killed your father,” I venture gently. “That she had some… problems after, and that you take care of her. She loves you very much,” I add. “Says you’re the best brother in the world.”
Sebastian gives a short laugh, but instead of the usual sarcasm in his tone, this one sounds almost sad. “Scarlett was always a troubled kid,” he begins quietly. “Even before the accident. We went through a dozen diagnoses, had her in therapy, and medication… But it got worse after what happened. And not just the trauma of losing dad. She was badly hurt in the crash. Burned.”
I think back to the burn marks on her arms and answer sincerely. “I’m sorry, that’s awful.”
Sebastian drains his drink. “She survived the crash, but everything spiraled after that. Breakdowns, episodes… Whatever you want to call them. She tried to hurt herself, I tried everything, but… Richard suggested Larkspur. He said it was the best facility around, it would give her the help she needed, and mum went along with it, she was at her wit’s end too. But that place…” Sebastian’s gaze darkens. “It’s a hellhole. They drugged her up, kept her locked in her room, did all kinds of things to the patients… The first time I was allowed to visit, she begged me to get her out. And I tried. I really did. But I had no rights, I was only eighteen, mum was the only one with legal authority, and Richard was whispering in her ear…”
