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Tears stinging in my eyes, I go over to the dresser. Pulling open the top drawer, I reach underneath it and feel for the locket I taped to the underside. It was probably silly to even bring it with me, but I somehow knew that I might need a reminder of why I’m doing this.
I open the locket and stare down at Miles’s face inside. The photo torn and frayed at the edges. Fading now, like the memories of our time together.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, aching with pain and regret. “I’m so, so sorry.”
I hate myself for what I just did.
But I have to hate Sebastian more. At least until this is over.
Iwilldestroy him, even if I destroy myself, too.
22
AVERY
I wake early,after a restless night of shame and self-loathing. Pulling on workout gear, I leave a message with Leon downstairs, and head out on an early-morning run through the silent streets.
I need to clear my head—and my heart.
I cried myself to sleep last night thinking about Miles and everything that’s brought me here. But my dreams were filled with fantasies of Sebastian. Memories, too, of his hands. His body.
His cock, thrusting deep inside.
I wish I could block it all out, but my traitorous body is still humming with sensation, sore, and reminding me with every step how completely Sebastian laid claim to me.
Because I begged him to.
And if I’d hoped that finally offering up my virginity would somehow cleanse me of this intoxicating sexual attraction that I feel for him … Well, I know I failed. Because the sex last night wasn’t just epic and pleasurable, fulfilling my darkest fantasies of submission.
It was a connection, too.
Raw and real, some inexplicable bond between me and Sebastian. Like my defenses crumbled, and he, in turn, was allowing me to glimpse some hidden side of him, too. Sweet, tender, caring.
All the things I thought he didn’t have the heart to be.
But now I’ve seen them, I can’t shake that knowledge. Sebastian is capable of feeling, of love and loyalty, too—that much is clear from his relationship with his sister. He proved it with the way he spoke to her, and the hollow guilt in his eyes when he told me about trying to protect her…
I have to give a bitter laugh as I suddenly realize: The weakness I’ve been searching for?
It’s Scarlett.
He cares about something. Or rather,someone.But my stomach churns at the idea of using Scarlett against him. She’s an innocent, who’s already suffered enough.
What happened to being merciless?
What happened to avenging Miles’ death, no matter what the cost?
I’m torn. I can’t waver in my mission, but surely there has to be a line that I won’t cross?
But isn’t that what Sebastian counts on? Other people’s morality holding them back, making them meek, while he never compromises.
Never once questions the collateral damage it takes to bring about his utter domination.
I turnthe question over in my mind, running a long loop through the park until my body is exhausted. Finally, I head back to the house.
I don’t know what to expect. I’ve never done the ‘morning after’ thing with anyone. How will Sebastian react to me now?
Will he prove everyone right, and lose all interest in me now the thrill of the chase is over, and he’s claimed his prize?
