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Chapter1
PHOENIX
I thoughtI knew what it was like to lose my mind. To feel utterly helpless. To know that nothing I can do will change my circumstances. It was like that after being shot. The first couple of days, it was a coma, and then there was some light and shadow that slowly crept into darkness. And there was pain.
Then there was Kane’s voice telling me that he was sorry. His words were thick and slurred and anguished. He said there was nothing he could do.
The next time I woke, my eyes were gone, and my fate was sealed.
I would be totally blind for the rest of my life.
There were times I felt like that was hell and that there would never be an escape. And this is the same feeling. Hearing Kane scream, then losing his call—I want to tear the world apart. It kills me to ask Alice to describe what’s on the screen, and it’s worse when she says there’s nothing. The connection is severed, and the screen is black.
It takes me nearly a full minute to compose myself before I can get out of bed, and I don’t even register that my dick is hanging out and I’m half-dressed as I burst into James’ room. I hear his quiet laugh, but it dies seconds after he sees my face.
“What is it?” That’s the tone I want. It’s all business. He understands that something’s wrong.
“We lost Kane on his call, and the connection was severed. It sounded like a car accident,” I say. I turn on my heel, confident he’ll follow me, and I hear two sets of footsteps, which means he was likely fucking Ari when I burst in. I catch a whiff of Alice, too, as I rush into my office, and my fingers skim over my computer as I boot it up. “Even if his car is in pieces, the tracker should still be functional,” I’m saying, barely registering the words coming out of my mouth. My brain splits into two—the desperate man terrified for his lover and the emotionless beast whose only job is to get things done.
It’s almost too easy to let the beast take over.
“Alice,” I hear James say quietly as I open up the tracking app that’s connected to all of our cars. “Can you please tell me exactly what happened?”
I feel a small measure of relief that she can do that, and I quickly tune her out as I stick my earbud in my ear and fire up the location device. I feel a warm presence behind me—enough to be grounding, but Ari knows better than to touch me right now. Everything is heightened, and I’ll lose it if anyone gets too close.
And that’s not what we need right now.
“…screen went dead. So then he had me pull up the video feed, but it was just black,” she finishes.
It’s accurate enough. My fingers skim over my braille display, reading coordinates as the AI speaks them into my ear. Having both mediums keeps me focused, and I feel the way the location refreshes and refreshes until it settles.
“He’s off the ten,” I say. I double-check, but his car isn’t moving. I switch over to his phone tracker, but it’s not picking up any readings. “Get a car. Get out there.”
I feel a light tap on my arm. ‘On it.’
I turn to James and hold out my hand. “Get me clothes and shoes.” His fingers touch mine, and I yank him close, needing him for just a second—needing a moment to be weak and afraid. His brow knocks against me, and I smell cloves and aftershave. “And tell me you’re going to find him.”
“We will always find him,” James growls. He lets my hand go to grab my chin, and his kiss is mean and messy and far too short.
When he finally pulls back, I nod and turn back to my workstation. “It’s better if I don’t go.”
“Phoenix,” he starts to protest, but I put up my hand.
“That was the first time I’ve been out of the house since this.” I gesture to my eyes. “I’d be a worse liability than Alice.”
I hear her suck in her breath, but she doesn’t defend herself, and I appreciate it because I don’t have the fucking time to coddle her feelings. James is silent for a moment, and then I hear him take a few steps back.
“I’m leaving her with you. This may be an attempt to draw us out and leave her vulnerable at home,” he says.
I nod. I’ve already figured that much. They’ll assume James and Ari will leave Alice with me, and being blind, they’ll think I can’t protect her. Underestimating me will only end in them dying because this is my home—this is my circle of hell—and they have no idea what I can do.
“Get dressed,” I say to Alice, and then I turn my attention back to my equipment. I can tap into CCTV, and while it’ll take me a while to isolate the footage, I should have something for the boys to go on before they leave.
My brain automatically goes into work mode, and the relief of shutting my feelings off is the only thing that keeps me going.
* * *
Ari’sthe first one back after the three of them left me to my work. His steps are light, and I only hear them because he lets me. I brace myself for his touch, though he keeps it to the tips of his fingers as he spells out their plans on my skin.
