AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Hey, I was wondering if you’d be able to drop me off on your way home?” I ask, shyly.
A cruel smirk pulls at his lips as he turns toward me. “And what would I get out of it?”
“Ummmm, I think I have a couple bucks I could give you for gas money…,” I start to rattle off nervously, as I fish through my jacket pockets, which is ridiculous because he literally has to drive right by my house on his way home.
“I had something else in mind,” he says, as he unzips his jeans. “Get in.”
I feel all the blood rush into my face and my cheeks burn up. I swallow the fear that’s crawling up my throat at what he’s suggesting. I’ve never even kissed a boy much less done anythingsexualbefore. Not to mention, everyone would know about it come Monday morning. I can just hear what they’d say now.
“I didn’t know you had it in you, Dee.”
“Not such a good girl after all.”
“I knew she’d turn out to be just like her mother.”
“Slut.”
“Whore.”
“Hey, Dee, I’ll drive you home next time.”
“How bout I give you a different kind of ride.”
And on and on it would go. It will follow me for the next two and half years of high school. And yet, as I’m standing in the freezing cold, body shivering, I’m contemplating doing it. If everyone thinks I’m just going to end up like her, why don’t I just give in to the bad stuff and give everyone what they want and expect? Being good has gotten me nowhere. Being good has gotten me right here, standing in the cold, contemplating sucking a dick for the first time just so I can get a ride home.
“I said get in,” he orders.
I’m about to pull on the door handle when coach’s voice yells out across the parking lot. “Dee, you need a ride? We can take you.”
“Never mind,” I mumble. “Coach is gonna take me.”
He snorts, “Fucking prude.” Then the window is being rolled up in my face and he backs out quickly, causing me to jump out of the way.
My body jumps in bed from the intensity of the dream, waking me from another… well, I can’t really consider this one a nightmare. Nothing bad happened but it was a turning point for me. An awakening so to speak. It was the first time I realized that even boys in high school are toxic. It was the first time I was treated like nothing. Like less than nothing. Not a human with feelings. Not a friend who needed help. Nothing more than a vessel to be used, abused, and thrown aside for the next person to pick up off the floor.
Shortly after that experience, I started to realize how selfish and cruel people are. How all they see when they look at me is how they can use me. Manipulate me. Degrade me. And because I have no one in my life protecting me, there will never be any consequences.
And these selfish and cruel people have things I need. I’m at their mercy and there won’t always be a coach around to save me. In fact, no one has saved me since.
Thus starts my spiral into the world of toxic men.
And my reality then only echoes my reality now.
I have no one.
I have nothing.
But that’s not entirely true, is it?
He saved me.
Not once, but twice. And that reality is what caused me to tear up and thank him. No one has saved me in a very long time and I almost forgot what it felt like. I forgot what it felt like to be seen as more than a body. More than a person to use. More than a means to an end. More than a victim.
Sinn sees me for me. Ok, maybe not exactly. He doesn’t know how broken I really am, but he does see someone worth saving. And that speaks so much louder than all the words he’s never said. It speaks louder than the anger he portrays. If he truly, genuinely hates me, which I can’t fathom why he would, then he wouldn’t save me.
He wouldn’tkillfor me.
That’s enough for me to settle my battling thoughts on what to do. I need to fight for this, for him, because no one has been worth it until now. Is he truly worth it? There’s still a small sliver of doubt in my mind, but I push it aside. I will get through his walls. I will see what he’s hiding on the inside. Because we’re all hiding something. There’s not one goody-two-shoes out there without at least one skeleton in their closet. Trust me, I’ve seen more than my fair share. And there’s nothing he could possibly be hiding that I can’t handle.
