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“I told you; I know who you are and I don’t have any naïve fantasy about changing you. I know what this is between us. It’s not my first rodeo.”
I clench my jaw, my jealousy immediate at the mention of her with other men, but I don’t know what to say. She’s right. I am who I am and she’s not going to change me.
She already has.
She bends to pick up her heels and winces. I think I did hurt her more than she’s letting on. She finally turns to face me and scoffs.
“I mean, you didn’t even get undressed.” She gestures to me with the hand holding her heels. “If that’s not the definition of a meaningless fuck then I don’t know what is.” She turns and walks to the elevator. The doors open immediately, and she steps inside. Right before the door shuts, she makes eye contact with me and, I swear, I see so much more than she’s saying with her eyes.
I see longing.
Or maybe that’s my own inner emotion fighting to break free. I want to rush after her. I want to carry her back inside, take care of her, clean her up, and soak in a hot tub with her. I want to feel her hands on me. I want to feel her skin on mine. I want to taste her lips, her skin, and her pussy. I want to drown in her. I want to be so many fucking things for her. But I don’t know how to be anyone
else. So…
I let her go.
Tink
I See Red by Everybody Loves An Outlaw
She doesn’t see me where I sit alone, in the dark, atmybar. Thisisstill my fucking bar. Well, not the entire building, but the actualbar, where I serve liquor, belongs to me. It’smydomain. But this entitled little bitch has come in here lately like she owns the damn place. It’s only going to be worse now that she’s slept with Sinn.
The thought of him sleeping with her makes me see fucking red. Anytime he chooses someone over me is another razor blade slice to my heart. But he doesn’t know that. No one does. Maybe that’s my mistake. Hoping that in time he’d come to see me, truly see me, if I just stay by his side. If I continue to be here for him and be exactly what he needs, when he needs it. And I thought maybe I’d have a chance soon since he’s been uncharacteristically distant with women.
Ever sincethatnight.
I still don’t know exactly what happened that night. I don’t think anyone besides Sinn knows the details of what happened. But it changed him. It changed him deeply. He’s never been one to completely let loose, like Hook. Sinn has always been reserved, with a tendency to enjoy the darker things in life, but he’s never been like this. This cold and emotionless. Numb.
Until she walked in the bar a week ago.
It’s as if he came back to life. Still, not the way he was before, but it’ssomething. I hate that it’s because ofherand not me.
At least I get to witness her walk of shame.
Because a walk of shame is exactly what it is. I know Sinn, probably better than he knows his own damn self, and I know what he is andisn’tcapable of. And feeling anything for this whore is something he definitely isn’t capable of. He barely feels anything at all, and there’s no way this ridiculous girl is going to change that. Besides, she won’t be here for long anyway. They never are.
Especially if I have anything to do about it.
But the hard truth is, Sinn has been acting different lately. Different because ofherand I won’t take any chances. I wait a few minutes, until I’m sure she’s gone, before I slither out of the dark. I pull the hood from my dark hoodie over my head, covering my face, and slip out of the bar. The weather is still warm at night so, I’m hoping I don’t draw more attention to myself by being covered up, but then again, no one here actually gives a shit about anyone’s business but their own. Still, I can’t help but feel like a conniving, sneaking serpent, and I shiver at the thought of what Sinn would do to me if he found out what my intentions are. Good thing he trusts me and would never suspect me of doing anything I shouldn’t.
I walk soundlessly, keeping to the shadows, as I make my way down to the docks. They’re not far from the bar, only a few blocks, and I make it there quickly. Instead of heading directly for H1 or H2, I head towards the sandy beach instead. It’s almost 3:00 a.m. but there are always people walking around, especially near the docks. It’s like they’re subconsciously drawn to them. So, for my mission tonight, I steer clear.
I walk far out onto the beach, where no lights from the docks or streets reach. To where the darkness feels thick and alive. I’m guided by the slightest glow of a crescent moon but it’s enough. I make my way to the water’s edge and act quickly, before I can hesitate. I pull out the small knife I took from the bar, the one I use to slice up fruit and would love to sliceherup with, and I swipe it deeply across my pointer finger. I need a cut I can easily explain if I’m asked and cutting my finger while slicing fruit for drinks is entirely appropriate, and will garner no questions. I squeeze my finger, urging the blood to drip faster, as I lean over the water and let my blood drip into the lapping waves at my feet.
Once I’m satisfied that I’ve given enough of my blood to the ocean, I take a few steps away from the chilling water’s reach, take a seat, and train my eyes on the water in front of me.
Then I wait.
And wait.
And wait.
And wait.
I’ve always been a patient person. I’ve waited patiently for years, upon years, for Sinn to see me. I don’t plan on giving up now and I sure as hell am not going to sit back and let some meaningless girl come in and distract him. I would normally just wait it out, like I have with other girls that have temporarily caught Sinn’s attention, but as much as I hate to admit it, this one’s different. I don’t know how or why but she is. I can just feel it in my gut and a woman’s intuition is very rarely wrong.
So, I wait. I sit here and wait so that I can take action. It takes longer than I’d like but eventually the water level changes and is no longer lapping close to where I sit. I remove my shoes, fold my jeans to mid-calf, stand up, and follow the receding water line. The wet sand is cold and clings to my bare feet as I walk in a steady decline
