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I kiss his forehead and smooth his golden mane of hair. “We’ll meet again, Mishka.”
“But when?”
“When you’re older and stronger and you become Superman.”
“Okay!” He grins, his eyes dripping with an endearing innocence.
The thought that I won’t witness him growing up or hear his adorable laughter in the near future fills me with heavy desperation.
He goes to his father’s arms without much protest this time, and I grab onto his coat for a bit too long before I kiss his cheek and finally let go.
“If there’s anything urgent, send me the usual code,” Uncle Albert tells me.
“And how will you reach me if there’s something urgent from your side?”
“I have enough friends to get to you. Don’t worry.”
I release a resigned breath as he pulls on his and Mike’s hoods, then they step out into the freezing air. My cousin continues waving and throwing kisses at me for as long as he can see me.
The moment they disappear into the distance, I slide to the ground, pull my knees to my chest, and finally let the tears loose.
* * *
After I’ve bidmy uncle and cousin farewell, a crippling sense of loneliness grabs hold of me. It gets so bad that I find it hard to breathe or think.
To avoid being questioned, I don’t go back to base right away. I’m on the edge right now and I might crack too easily under pressure.
Usually, I’d be doing muscle-strengthening exercises during my day off, but today, I took a break and was so excited to see my uncle and Mike. I feel even more accomplished since I rose in rank.
Turns out, this promotion is more of a curse than a blessing.
It’s been a week since I joined the Special Forces, and while it’s more intense than in my previous unit, I’ve learned to push myself and gradually remove my mental cage.
The moment I get comfortable at a certain pace, Captain Kirill completely overthrows it. Not only that, but he also has Viktor as the supervisor in charge, and he’s nothing short of a stoic, unbendable rock.
The other soldiers are used to him and his ways, so I’m the only one who has to adapt. Even the new recruits have integrated better than I have.
Absentmindedly, I roam the snowy streets for a few hours. The cold freezes my tears, but I still walk and walk. My feet come to a halt in front of a beautiful lace dress at the front of a shop. The creamy color gives it an elegant edge and the lace adds a beautiful feminine touch.
My heart swells. Will there ever be a day where I’ll wear a dress again?
I internally shake my head. Even if I do get the chance, would I know how to move in a dress anymore?
It’s been years since I wore one.
I begrudgingly step away from the shop and disappear in the herd of people. Once I’m calmer and have better control of my emotions, I head back to base.
I walk in with my back straight and my strides wide. It weirdly gives me confidence that I so desperately need in my current state.
The moment I step foot into the dormitory, large boots appear in front of me. I know who they belong to before looking up, and I straighten further before saluting.
“Where were you off to, Lipovsky?” Viktor’s gruff voice sounds heightened in the silence.
“I went out for a stroll.” I technically did, so it’s not a lie.
“Is a stroll more important than training, soldier?”
“No, but it’s my day off.”
