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“We wouldn’t have been able to fool them if you were in your man look. You scream soldier, even now.” He glances at me, and I swallow. “If you prefer being a man, you’ll have to wait until we’re out of here.”
“You…aren’t going to ask why I did this?”
“It’s none of my business.”
“But it’s against the military rules.”
“Right. That.” He seems to be deep in thought. “I don’t give a fuck. People should be allowed to be whoever they want to be, so if you prefer being a man, be a man.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to be a woman, it’s that I can’t. I…”
“You don’t have to explain yourself to me, Aleksander.”
“It’s Aleksandra.” My face and neck heat as I say the words.
I never thought I would be introducing myself, and to Captain Kirill, no less.
Kirill.
That’s what he told me to call him. Just Kirill.
A small twitch lifts his lips. It’s not exactly a smile but something close. “I know.”
“You do?”
“You said that when you were almost unconscious. It’s Aleksandra, not Aleksander.”
“Oh.” I bite my lower lip, and his attention follows the motion, slowly raising my temperature.
I release my lip in a jerk and clear my throat. “I-is that when you found out I was a woman?”
“No.”
“Then…when did you?”
“When I first saw you being assaulted by your ex-teammates.”
“What?”
“What?” he repeats coolly with unbelievable calm.
“You…knew from the beginning?”
“Was I not supposed to?”
“No. And, seriously, can you stop talking as if this is a trivial matter?”
He turns around and faces me while crossing his arms. “I’m all ears.”
It’s kind of hard to look him in the eye for too long, let alone talk to his face, but I manage to control my abnormal reaction. “I…have to look like a man despite myself, so…uh, can you please keep it a secret?”
“As I said, it’s none of my business.”
A heavy weight lifts off my chest, but the relief is short-lived. I’m hit by all the times I was trying to toughen up, speak and act like a man.
The captain must’ve thought me laughable.
Still, I murmur, “Thank you.”
