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Based on her tone, it’s as much of a surprise to her as it is to me. A large part of me expected he wouldn’t see me. Showing up as a patient to treat is one thing. This—me seeking him out at work because of our ancient association—is another. He has to know the only reason I came here is for answers.
Answers I can’t decide I really want, but can’t seem to walk away from the possibility of receiving.
I clear my throat, nerves creeping up my esophagus and stuffing it with anxiety. “Thank you.”
The nurse nods, still studying me like a puzzle.
I turn and take a seat in one of the stiff chairs. My knee bounces as I play with a stray thread on the hem of my blouse. Every time I look up, the nurse is watching me. I’m relieved when the phone rings, and she turns to answer it.
The longer I sit, the more my nerves spread. This is a lark. A fool’s errand. Likely a mistake too. My past isn’t a pleasant place to revisit.
Leo is what keeps me rooted in the chair. Ghosting your girlfriend isn’t the trademark of a great guy. Isn’t who I thought Nick was. Isn’t anything I thought he’d ever do.
But he didn’t know about Leo. I didn’t even suspect I was pregnant when he was suddenly just…gone. Unenrolled from his classes. Disconnected phone. Empty dorm room. Alex disappeared just as suddenly and completely.
Until now.
He appears, and I blink at him. Seeing someone I never thought I would again is just as surreal of an experience the second time as it was last night. Unlike the cut on my palm, Nick leaving isn’t a fresh wound. It’s one I thought scabbed and healed. But it throbs now, like it’s waiting to rip back open from the slightest provocation.
Alex’s face is smooth and blank as he approaches, hands tucked in the pockets of his navy scrubs, but his tone is urgent when he stops in front of me. “Lyla? Is everything okay? Did something happen?”
I stand on shaky legs, taken off guard by his genuine, immediate concern. It’s more than what I’d expect to extend toward a person you briefly knew nearly a decade ago.
“Everything is fine,” I assure him. But the edge to his expression doesn’t disappear. “I just wanted to…thank you.”
“For what?”
I hold up my bandaged hand in answer.
His brow creases with confusion. “My job?”
I laugh nervously. God, this is stupid. I should turn and walk away. I feel pathetic and ridiculous.
Alex doesn’t know I have a son. To him, I must look like a pathetic ex, clinging to a guy who clearly was only after one thing from me. But I think of Leo. Who’s getting older and gaining more questions.
I take a deep breath and forge ahead. “Do you ever talk to him?”
The edge hardens. Sharpens.
He had to anticipate the question coming. Nick is our only connection. Yet Alex plays dumb. “Who?”
“Nick.”
His name lands between us with all the subtlety of a grenade.
Alex reaches out and grabs my hand. I’m towed out of the waiting room, around the corner, and into a supply closet, lined with medical supplies.
I lean back against some boxes of gauze, studying his worried expression. “The nurse at the desk already thinks we might have some torrid affair going on. This will really get the gossip going.”
Alex ignores me as he closes the door behind us and spins around to face me. “Why are you asking about Nick?”
It’s embarrassing how much hearing Alex say his name matters. If not for Leo’s existence, I could almost convince myself Nick never did. His disappearance was the cleanest cut a relationship could have. But he’s still a living, breathing person somewhere out in the world. Alex’s question is proof of that.
“He left,” I answer.
Is it really so unexpected I’m wondering about him? Maybe if I’d gotten any closure at the time, it wouldn’t still feel like such a gaping hole.
“Nine years ago.” Alex’s tone is harsh and unforgiving. As cold as the temperature outside.Get over it, he’s saying.Move on.Phrases I’ve told myself many times.
