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The blonde scurries out of sight. She’s a model I picked up during my dinner meeting earlier. She has no idea who I really am or what I do for a living, and yet me raising my voice was all it took for her to scamper away like a scared mouse.
People are naturally intimidated by me. Their instincts tell them I’m dangerous, tell them to shy away from me, even when their mind hasn’t conjured a good reason for the fear.
Lyla never looked at me like I was a monster. My list of sins was much shorter back then, but my hands were nowhere near clean.
Around her, I softened. Lightened.
I didn’twantto scare her.
I wanted to pretend I had choices. I wanted to pretend getting wait-listed for a class or not getting my first pick of summer internships were the biggest of my worries.
I didn’t anticipate how hard it would be to walk away from that glimpse of normalcy.
From her.
It turns out, I walked away from even more than I realized.
And now, I have to decide what to do about it.
CHAPTERSIX
NICK
Rather than get any work done on the drive to Philly, I stare out the window.
I’m lost in thought. In memories. In regrets.
It’s a lapse I could never indulge in back home. An indulgence I shouldn’t allow now, considering I still have business to take care of on this trip.
But I do it anyway. I’m selfish plenty, but it’s rarely in my own interest. It’s the expected sort you’re supposed to flaunt like a crown to signify your spot in the pecking order. Beautiful women and flashy cars and expensive liquor are all things I’mexpectedto indulge in, so I do. They’re not unique in any way. None of them are meaningful to me at all; they’re not vices or possessions I’d struggle to live without.
The memories of Lyla’s laugh and eyes that would often turn haunted? They’re mine—and mine alone.
A painful indulgence.
A masochistic relief.
I should have asked Alex more questions before making this trip. But I couldn’t do so without displaying vulnerability. And the dynamic between me and him is very different now than it was in college.
Back then, I’d occasionally ask Alex for advice. Now, my role has changed. Uncertainty is weakness in my world, even among those closest to me.Especiallyamong them.
Slowly, the scenery turns familiar. Nostalgia pricks at my skin, irritating yet reassuring.
We enter East Falls and stop in front of an eight-story apartment building.
“Stay in the car,” I instruct my driver before I slide on a pair of sunglasses and step out onto the sidewalk.
I study the exterior of the apartment building as I cross the street. It’s clean and well-maintained. But bland and lifeless, like a chain hotel.
From a security standpoint, it’s a goddamn nightmare. Balconies and wide windows face the road. There’s a keypad next to the front entrance, but someone has propped a rock in place, keeping it open. There’s no doorman. No alarm system responding to the open door.
I don’t take advantage of the easy access.
This—getting here—is as far as my plan got. I have no idea what to do now. Being the boss is a lonely job, but it’s never felt more solitary than right now. Anyone I tell about Lyla and her son could become a future threat to them.
I walked away from her because I had no other choice. I walked away from her without saying good-bye because I was worried what else I might say. It would have been tempting—too tempting—to tell her the truth. To make her hate me a little less. But it would have been selfish. It wouldn’t have changed our ending. And it would have put her in danger.
I shouldn’t make contact. I should pretend Alex never told me anything. I can set up some secret account, route it through a few shell companies, and make sure they’re well taken care of with an anonymous windfall.
