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CHAPTERELEVEN
LYLA
Russia is beautiful. A harsh, wild, rugged beauty.
But it’s hard to appreciate beauty when you’re trapped.
And that’s exactly what I am.
I stare out the car window and retrace the last few days in my head, trying to figure out how exactly I got here.
It always ends on the exact same moment.
Contemplating my decisions like a series of toppled dominoes, I can pinpoint the precise second the first one fell. Unfortunately, knowing the cause does nothing to change the outcome.
I glance at Leo, who’s fast asleep. His eyes closed a few minutes into the drive, finally succumbing to an exhausting day and the cold he’s battling. He stayed awake the entire flight, absorbing everything around him with wide eyes. He’d never been on a plane before. Neither had I. One of many firsts we’re headed toward, I’m guessing. And not the kind you celebrate.
I focus on Leo’s peaceful expression in an attempt to calm the anxiety churning in my stomach.
He’s safe, I tell myself.He’s safe.
That has to be the most important thing. Something to cling on to at the edge of this cliff of uncertainty. Ever since I found out I was pregnant, my main focus has been ensuring Leo is safe and happy and healthy.
Seizing the opportunity to let his father know he exists wasn’t supposed to threaten any of that. There’s no way I could have known that it would. Logically, I know that.
But there’s also a part of me—a big part—that knows I toppled the first domino.
Nick left.
Nickchoseto leave.
He wasn’t the first person in my life who did. I should have learned my lesson. When people choose to leave you, let them.
I should have let him.
I did, when I had no other option. As soon as Alex pulled back that curtain, things changed.
And I can tell myself it was all in Leo’s best interest that I took the opportunity to request answers to questions that should have remained in the past, but I’m not sure if that’s all it was. I wanted those answers for myself, not just for my son.
And now, I’m in Russia, zooming past sharp spires and rainbow domes. Out of my element in every possible way.
Viktor is the only one in the car with us. I watch his profile as he navigates through the traffic with ease, driving at a speed that feels faster than the limit.
I want to pelt Viktor with questions, but I don’t want to risk waking Leo. Or risk having him overhear what I’m wondering about.
There’s a good chance Viktor wouldn’t answer me anyway. I saw the way he looked at Nick on the plane—the way all the men did. It looked like the way worshippers revere a deity, tinged with awe and respect.
Whatever illegal activities Nick is involved in inspires loyalty far beyond the ordinary boss-and-employee relationship. He’s a part of something big. Something dangerous. Something I’m now involved in…because of a frat party.
So, I stay silent for the drive that stretches for close to an hour. We leave the bustle of the city behind and weave through an endless maze of roads, lined with barren trees that stand like haunted sentries. There’s a forgotten inch of snow sitting on the ground, frozen in place and speckled with gray in spots.
By the time the car slows, I’m fighting my eyelids. Between the long flight and the time difference, we lost a whole day.
Dusk is falling fast, bathing the scenery in shadows that grow darker and longer with each passing minute. The battle to stay awake becomes a war, but I’m determined to stay conscious. My body has burned through all its adrenaline and anxiety, leaving just exhaustion behind. I’m tired of being scared—and just plain tired.
When we stop, it’s in front of an ornate set of gates, carved of dark metal. They’re purposefully imposing and incredibly intimidating. If hell has gates, I’d imagine these are what they’d look like. The black metal cuts a harsh slash through the backdrop of the darkening sky. They tower over us like a warning about approaching. The men standing and holding machine guns are another strong deterrent.
Viktor talks to one of them for a minute. He climbs out of the car for the length of the discussion, but I’m assuming I wouldn’t have been able to understand a word of it regardless.
