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Nick downs the rest of the vodka he nursed through dinner. “Have you considered going back now that Leo is older?”
I shrug. “College is expensive too.”
Before he can apologize or offer to give me the money or say anything else on the subject, I decide to change it. I’m comfortable with blaming Nick for this situation. Letting go of that resentment would be healthy in some ways, but detrimental in others.
“You always said you weren’t close with your parents.”
His expression is so intense, it’s unnerving. “What makes you think that was a lie?”
“Well, your mother just showed up. You’re obviously not estranged.”
“She’s lonely.” He sighs, studying the empty glass. “Worried.”
“Worried about what?”
“She’s at the mercy of my decisions.”
My brow furrows. “What does that mean?”
“It means she’ll pay for my mistakes.” He glances at my confused expression, then sighs again. “A threat to me is a threat to her. As long as I’mPakhan, she’s protected. If I’m ever not…”
“She’s not.”
“Exactly.”
“Does she see Leo as a threat?”
“She won’t do anything.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
Nick sighs. “It’s not how she expected to become a grandmother.”
“It wasn’t how I expected to become a mother.”
“I know.”
He holds my gaze, something confusing and tangible arcing and connecting us. It holds until his phone rings.
Nick answers it, listening for a minute and then barking a response. It’s not just the language that’s changed—his tone has turned brisk and barren.
He hangs up and stands. “I have to handle something.”
I nod, not interested in details. Based on the time and the way Nick’s expression has hardened into a stoic mask, I’m best off not knowing.
“I know it’s not how you expected to become a mother.”
I still, somehow knowing I’ll need to brace myself for what’s coming next.
“But if I could have chosen anyone to have a kid with, it will always be you.”
And then he walks out of the dining room, leaving me desperately trying to continue hanging on to resentment.
CHAPTERNINETEEN
NICK
Drops of blood drip onto the cement floor, the stream inconsistent yet steady.
