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“Are you coming, Mom?”
“Um…” I stall, not sure what the right answer is.
I’m not sure if Leo realizes this would be our first outing as a threesome, as something similar to a family, butIcertainly do.
And after last night, it feels like lines are blurring everywhere I look. Like leaving is growing further and further away instead of any closer. When I broached the topic of Nick being his father the morning after Nick told me Leo knew the truth, he was nonchalant about the revelation.
Rather than feeling relieved, it worried me.
We accept the things we want easily. With open arms and wide smiles.
LeowantsNick to be his dad.
It fills me with mixed emotions. I’m grateful Nick knows he has a son and Leo knows who his father is. If anything positive is to come out of this snarled mess, it should be that.
But I’m hyperaware it will also contribute to the messiness. That Leo knowing who Nick is, getting attached to Nick, will make leaving even more difficult.
“You should come.”
The sound of Nick’s voice, deep and husky, stirs up memories I’m trying to bury. Serves as a reminder of the fact that Leo isn’t the only one I need to worry about getting attached.
“Okay,” I agree.
There’s nothing for me to do here. And I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t a part of me that wants to see this—toexperienceit.
An unintelligible conversation takes place in the front hall between Nick, one of the maids, two butlers, and a bodyguard. I eye them curiously as I shrug into my coat, trying to figure out what is being said based on body language. Leo is holding the dog’s leash, patting its head with a big smile on his face.
I kneel down to pet the dog as well. My refusal to get a dog had everything to do with time and space, nothing to do with not liking animals or not wanting one.
“Is it a boy or girl?”
“Girl,” Leo answers.
“Do you know her name?”
“Darya.”
“Darya,” I repeat, petting her soft fur.
A gust of cold air streams in from the open door, chilling the front hall. Everyone but Nick has disappeared. He’s walking toward the car that’s parked outside. It’s sleek and fast-looking. Somewhere between the tiny sports cars I see Nick drive most days and the tank-like SUVs that escort me and Leo. I don’t recognize the car’s logo, but that means little.
Briefly, I think of my worn Honda. It must have been towed and impounded by now. It’s an inanimate object, nowhere near as important as Leo’s safety. But it’s an inanimate object that I worked hard to buy and ran reliably. When I return to Philadelphia, it will be with even less than I left with.
No job, no apartment, no car. I’m sure Nick will offer money, and I’ll be forced to take it until I can get a new job. Not only will I feel indebted to Nick, but I’ll also be stuck with more reminders of him.
“Something wrong?”
I glance at Nick, who’s watching me stare at the car like an idiot. Leo has already climbed into the backseat with Darya. She’s panting against the window, fogging up the glass.
“We’re not taking security?” I blurt the first question that occurs to me because it’s better than sharing what I was really just thinking about.
“No.”
“We’ve always left the property with security,” I tell him in explanation.
Nick smirks, and fuck if I don’t feel it between my legs. “You doubting me, Rose?”
I hesitate—and not because I don’t know the answer. I can’t form words because it’s another boundary between us that’s been smashed.
