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I shake my head. “Remember, I was reluctant to join up in the first place, but it was better than prison. I was a skinny, scared little shit in those early days of basic training. Barely could hold a gun or run one mile, never mind five. I was determined not to get a damn thing out of my alternative sentence.”
Maven sits on the edge of her seat, listening intently. Genuinely interested. “So what happened?”
“Life,” I say simply. “Over time, things became easier, and the better I performed, the more freedom I was given. And then, when my aptitude became common knowledge, well, suddenly following instructions gave me a lot.”
Her brows dip. “Like what?”
“Respect, for starters. But also, I moved up the ranks and earned more money, got better benefits and an office.”
I shrug, thinking about how differently my life turned out because of a fucking computer.
“Turns out, when I let myself give a damn, I actually cared about all that shit.”
She gives me a knowing, lopsided grin. “There’s nothing wrong with caring, Wilder.”
I scowl at myself. “I know, but it took me a while to learn that lesson. I care about all the people in this building. I’ll put myself in danger to protect them if I have to. The military taught me that, to care more about something than I do about myself.”
Maven drops her half-eaten box of fried rice on the table, shaking her head as she pushes up off the bed.
“Oh, no, you don’t, Wilder. Don’t you start making me like you more than I already do.”
She points a finger at me and moves around until nearly the whole damn room is between us.
“Soooo, you like me?”
“You’re a likable guy.”
“That doesn’t sound convincing.”
She sighs, coming to a stop with her back against the door. “It doesn’t matter how I feel about you. It won’t change anything.”
I stand and place my noodles on the small side table, slowly closing the gap between us.
“All I hear is that you like me, Maven. You don’t want to, but you do.”
Her hazel eyes widen, and she actually takes a step back, pressing into the door. “You’re wrong.”
I keep moving closer until her chest heaves with rapid breaths and her palms flatten against the door.
“Liar,” I whisper before claiming her mouth in a deep kiss.
Maven tries to push me away at first, but then her arms wind around my neck, and she melts into me, kissing me back with just as much intensity. We stay like that for a few minutes, exploring each other mouths until we finally break apart, both of us panting.
“Do you regret fucking me earlier?”
She swallows and shakes her head. “No, not at all. ”
“Is it the gun thing?”
“Yes and no,” she sighs. “I hate that you need to carry a gun around all the time. It makes what you do, your life choices, inescapable.”
I nod, understanding what she’s saying. “But it’s not just that, is it?”
She shakes her head and finally looks up at me. “No, it’s not just that. I guess I’m just afraid.”
“Of what?”
“Of getting hurt. I was just deceived by someone I thought I loved. I know it’s stupid, but I can’t help the way I feel.”
