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Suddenly the bikini I’m wearing feels entirely too small. It was an impulse purchase when I was feeling good about myself and the fact that I could still wear one after having a baby. But with Jimmy’s gaze coasting over my bare skin, it now feels too risqué.
“Want to see what Mommy taught me?” Monica chirps, and he tips his head down to look at her.
I take a breath, no longer frozen by his attention, and walk over to a nearby table to deposit the towels I brought down with us.
“Of course,” he says with affection in his voice and sits back down.
Monica runs over to me. “Mommy, do you have my goggles?”
“Sure do.” I pluck them off the top of the towel and help her get them on properly, then I grab my own. “Let me get in and then you can jump in, okay?”
She nods excitedly.
Without looking at Jimmy, I dive into the deep end and swim over to where I can barely stand. “All right, kiddo.”
Monica grins, slides her feet forward, and plunges into the pool. I help her get back up from under the water even though she can do it herself. She’s an excellent swimmer, but I like to be careful, especially in a pool she’s not familiar with.
“That was amazing!”
We both look at Jimmy, who’s grinning with something like pride in his expression.
“No silly. That’s not what I wanted to show you. Even babies can jump in the water,” Monica scolds.
I push my lips together to keep from laughing. With her hands in mine, I pull her into the shallow end. She can’t reach the bottom, so I continue to hold on to her until she nods to signal that she’s ready. When I release her, she treads water then swims, tipping her head into the water as she kicks her legs behind her. A couple seconds later, she raises her head for air and repeats it all over again. When she comes up for air the next time, she reaches for me and I pull her into my arms.
“See, Jimmy? I can put my face in the water when I swim.” Her dark eyes are alight with excitement and remind me so much of her father’s.
“Are you sure you’re only five?” Jimmy says teasingly. “You’re not really eight or nine, are you?”
Monica giggles. “I’m five and a half, not five.”
He chuckles and puts his hands up in a placating gesture. “My mistake.”
We share a smile. I play with Monica and teach her to turn her head to take a breath rather than pulling her head right out of the water. We play around for another hour while Jimmy watches, a silent observer.
Eventually, he walks over to the edge of the pool. “Do you want to get some laps in? I can take Monica to get changed and hang out with her while you get your exercise in.”
A small smile lifts the corners of my lips. He must know that I need my coping mechanism now that my entire life has been upended.
“That would great. Sure you don’t mind?” I bring Monica over to the edge of the pool.
“Course not. Anything to spend some time with my girl.” He smiles at Monica, who seems to preen at his attention. I lift her, and he bends down to pull her from the water.
“Yay! I don’t have all my Barbies, but Mommy packed some so we can play with those.”
“Super,” Jimmy says with a chuckle and shares a look with me.
“Thanks,” I say in a quiet voice.
He nods before leading Monica to the table and wrapping her in a large towel.
After swimming to the far edge, I pull my goggles down over my face and slip into autopilot, swimming back and forth across the length of the pool. My mind clears and a sense of calm washes over me as my muscles become fatigued.
Last night's fitful sleep doesn’t allow me to swim as many laps as usual, but I feel good climbing out. I dry off and head upstairs to change. I’ll shower later, so I throw my hair up in a wet messy bun and head to the kitchen.
When I enter the large open concept room, Jimmy’s leaning against the kitchen island with both hands extended in front of him as though it’s the only thing holding him up.
“She fell asleep five minutes ago when we were playing on the floor in her room. I wasn’t sure what to do, so I just left her,” he says, looking at me.
