AllFreeNovel
Share Us
He grabs the wrist of my hand on his face. “What does that mean for us?” His eyes search mine and reflect the same sadness and fear in mine.
“I honestly don’t know. I wouldn’t ever ask you to give up your career—I know the joy you get from acting. And you’ll always be a part of Monica’s life, no matter what. But this place, this town, this industry holds too many painful memories for me. I’m not trying to run from them—I know better than that now. I’ve accepted the things I’ve done, but I also know I can’t exist in a space where they’re pulled out as leverage or grenades to launch at me. I need my routine and my safe space.” I blink, and the tears that have been building fall.
“But I need you,” he whispers.
I lean into him, and our foreheads meet. I close my eyes and breathe in his scent. It is safety and home, but with him comes his lifestyle, and that’s never worked for me. We’re not the same people that way.
“I’m sorry.” The words come out in a strangled whisper.
He doesn’t fight me. I didn’t think he would. He’s such a good man. He’d never jeopardize my sobriety or mental health for himself.
“This isn’t over between us,” he says.
I don’t know whether he’s trying to convince me or him. He places a chaste kiss on my lips and leaves the room, wiping his own tears.
I settle back into bed and suck back the sobs leaving what feels like a giant crater in my chest.
Sometimes love isn’t meant to last a lifetime. Sometimes it’s a brief moment in time, but that doesn’t make it any easier to walk away from.
Chapter Seventy-eight
LILAH
We’ve been home for a week and a half. Monica was upset that we didn't stay at her dad’s for as long as we were supposed to, but she believed me when I said that one of the girls at work was sick and I had to return early.
It wasn’t a total lie, because I did go back to work. I couldn’t stand to sit around the house by myself all day. Every inch of the place now holds memories of Jimmy. Suddenly just the two of us at dinner feels weird. I’ll catch both us staring at his chair. The corner of the couch we cuddle up in is lonely without him. I can't even sit out on the porch without staring at his chair motionless next to mine.
Each time an image of a moment we shared flashes in my mind, it's like the sharpest knife stabbing me in the heart.
And so I try to get back to my normal routine from before Jimmy reappeared in my life and made me believe that a future for us was possible.
He couldn't come out last weekend to visit, citing some meetings, but he and Monica FaceTime every night. I don’t know if he really did have meetings or if he was avoiding me, but I’m thankful for the distance. Seeing him on my iPad is enough to set me on the verge of tears and leave me aching—I can’t imagine what seeing him in person would do.
I haven't asked what he told the reporter fromHW Lifeduring his interview last week. He knew my feelings, and he’d do what he wanted anyway.
“Can we get Oreos, Mommy?”
I glance at Monica, who’s ahead of me in the grocery aisle and push the thoughts from my head. “No Oreos, kiddo.”
She crosses her arms and stomps her foot. “Why not?”
I sigh. Monica hasn’t been her happy self since we left Malibu. I think she got used to having her dad with us every day and she’s acting out because of it. “Excuse me, young lady, you do not speak to me that way, do you understand?”
She drops her arms and looks at her feet. “Sorry."
I want to scoop her up and squeeze her because I know she’s hurting. I want to tell her that I’m hurting too. “I'll tell you what… we can get the Oreos, but you can only have one a day. And you have to promise not to hound Mommy for more after you’ve had your one for the day, okay?”
A big smile replaces her scowl. She grabs the package off the shelf but ends up knocking a bunch of them onto the floor. “Oh no!”
She drops to her knees to pick them up, but her little shoulders shake and they all fall to the floor again. I abandon my cart and rush over to her.
“It’s okay, it was an accident.” I draw her into a hug and rub her back. “Shhh, kiddo, it’s okay.” I place a kiss on her forehead and pull back to wipe her tears from her chubby cheeks. “Let’s go pay for this stuff and go home. How about we watch a short movie before bed tonight?”
She nods into my neck. I manage to stand with her still in my arms and push the cart one-handed to the check-out line. Two shoppers are ahead of us, and the cashier asks for a price check. Perfect. I continue to rub her back while I wait, my eyes wandering, not wanting to give in to the temptation. Eventually, I look at the magazine rack to my right.
On a tabloid cover, Jimmy and a well-known actress are leaving a building side by side with the caption, “Has The Regulator found someone to heal his broken heart?”
My heart hammers and my mouth dries.
