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He springs up from the chair. “Don’t do that.” As he looks out the window, his fingers weave through his thick hair.
I lean against the wall, wishing I could disappear. “Do what?”
“Act like I’m one of those men you let use you.” His eyes are steady on me as he closes the distance between us. I step backward, my back flush to the wall, but he grips my shoulders as though he thinks I’ll run. “It’s time to get your shit together. Enough of the constant partying and the drugs and the alcohol.”
Another conversation that makes me hate myself. Perfect.
“Don’t start,” I say with annoyance, trying to wiggle free, but he steps forward, locking me to the wall.
His hand slides down my arm and wraps around mine. “Something bad is going to happen to you if you don’t get control of yourself. What if I hadn’t been there last night?”
“Then I guess I would have gotten laid.”
His nostrils flair and he releases my hands before crossing his muscular arms over his chest and narrowing his eyes. “Would you have preferred that I just left you there and let him do whatever he wanted with you?”
“What do you care, James?” I purposely call him by his working name to annoy him. In public, I have to refer to him that way, but in private, he hates when I use it. Jimmy and James are two completely different people.
He steps forward, letting his hands drop to his sides and leaving no room between us. “You know I care.”
I ignore my pleading body that wants to fall into his arms of safety and tell him how much I care too. “Only if I’m Miss Perfect and become exactly what you want me to be.” I slide along the wall until I have space to clear the room and Jimmy.
“That’s not true and you know it. Wanting you to lay off the drugs doesn’t mean I want you to be perfect.”
“Well, good thing. Because I’ve never been perfect, nor will I ever be. You know that better than anyone.” I spin around to escape the room and his judgmental eyes, but he’s quick, coming up behind me and pulling my back into his chest.
“Exactly,” he says, his breath fanning across my neck and causing my nipples to pebble. His hard length presses into my lower back. “I know everything about you. Which is why I don’t want to see you go down a road you can’t turn back from.”
We stand in silence for a minute. The only sound in the room is our breathing as it picks up pace and we begin the final leg of our sick cycle. Get along, fight, fuck, apologize. Rinse and repeat a thousand times over. Sometimes we start at the beginning and go full circle in the course of a day. Other times, there’re weeks in between.
His hand wraps around my throat and slides down the valley of my breasts, slipping between my legs. I’m already wet. Of course I am. His finger coasts over my nub, and I bite my bottom lip from the pleasure only he can spark. Instantly I long for the oblivion he delivers. I let my head fall against his shoulder and give in to his demands.
He places a chaste kiss on my ear and whispers, “Just say you’ll at least think about it.”
His spell is broken.
I rip myself from his arms and turn around to spear him with my most lethal look. “I’ve already had one father, and that was more than enough. I don’t need someone else telling me how to live.”
I spin around and run out of the room. He lets me leave, as I knew he would when I compared him to a man both of us believe was the devil.
Chapter Four
LILAH
Two weeks and not a word from Jimmy. I’ve sent text after unanswered text, but I tell myself it’s for the best. That’s the truth—it’s the best… for him. One of these days, I’ll be strong enough to leave him alone for good. Let him move on with his successful career and live a happy life without the detriment of me.
But right now, the thought of not having Jimmy is too soul-crushing. I’m well aware how selfish I’m being.
I can’t stand the silence from him any longer. Jimmy’s whereabouts tonight are heavily rumored. The studio finally announced today that he’s signed on to star in the reboot of their superhero series,The Regulator. So he’ll be at the Regent to celebrate this milestone in his career.
What better way to get his attention than to wear my skintight, mid-thigh-length red dress with a V down to my belly button? Add a pair of gold stilettos and if that doesn’t spur him to talk to me, I’m positive my nipples poking through the fabric will.
Jimmy’s my only close friend because I don’t do girlfriends—or boyfriends for that matter. Mostly because opening yourself up to someone makes you too vulnerable, especially in this town, and I’ve had enough pain to last a lifetime. But I have a few model friends who like to party, so I give them a call.
By the time Trina, Courtney, and I arrive at the Regent, I’ve mustered the courage to talk to Jimmy. The alcohol coursing through my system has quieted the logical part of my brain. Alcohol and drugs work the best at making me forget how worthless I am, how I came from nothing and will always be nothing. They numb me against reliving all the awful things my father did to me.
“I’m heading to the bar,” Trina says, not waiting for Courtney or me to answer.
Courtney catches the eye of some guy dressed in a nice suit, no tie, and the top couple buttons of his dress shirt undone.
