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He opens his eyes and his expression is a mix of disappointment, desperation, hurt, and anger. A complexity of emotions I know well from my own existence. “Everyone is right. You’ll ruin my life if I let you.”
“You don’t really mean that,” I whisper.
But he does. Otherwise there would be no hurt and disappointment in his eyes. He means every word. I’ve pushed him to his final breaking point, strung him along for too long, dangled the carrot long enough.
“I do mean it. For most of my life, I’ve tried to fix you. And I’m tired. So tired.” His shoulders sag. “I can’t do it anymore. I can’t be your Mr. Fix-It. I can’t be the one to clean up your messes. I can’t be the person who cares more about you than you care about yourself. It’s too painful to watch you spiraling to nothing.”
“But I love you.” The words slip out. Words I’ve held off saying to him for most of my life for fear that saying them would strip him away from me.
“How could you possibly love me? You don’t even love yourself.”
I laid myself out and he threw my words back at me.
Well, I’m not going to stay and fight for someone who wants me gone.
I turn, and I run.
Chapter Twenty-three
JIMMY
“Ican’t be sure, but was that a smile?” Adelaide raises her eyebrows.
I push her shoulder lightly, and she loses her footing for a moment.
“What? It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you smile unless the script dictated it.”
She’s not wrong, but I roll my eyes. It’s been a month since I kicked Lilah out of my house. The longest we’ve ever gone without speaking. Sure, we’ve gotten into some rip-roaring fights in the past, but one of us always came crawling back.
That’s not the case this time. As painful as it was to speak the words, I meant them. It took way too long to reach the conclusion that I can’t save her—she has to want that herself.
Life hasn’t been easy since then. Not an hour goes by when I’m not thinking of her and wondering what she’s doing. Whether she’s taking care of herself, supporting herself, and where is she living? Will the questions and concerns for Lilah endlessly haunt me?
“I haven’t been that bad, have I?” I ask, attempting to act normal. I grab a cookie from the craft service table.
Adelaide picks up an apple and shrugs. “You haven’t been unbearable, but it’s been clear that something is bothering you. Want to talk about it?”
I sip my water. “It’s been tough. We’ve known each other forever.”
Her lips turn down at the corners. “I’m sorry. I’ve lost a lot of friends due to this business.”
“Yeah.” I look at my water bottle, tilt it to my lips, and finish it. “It was a long time coming.” I crush the bottle in my hand and shoot it into the recycling can.
“Maybe you guys will sort out your differences.” She reaches across the table and places her hand on mine.
It’s a purely platonic move, but I’m man enough to admit that having someone comfort me feels good. What I don’t tell Adelaide is Lilah is, or was, my family.
“Maybe.” I shoot her a smile that says I doubt she’s right. “The ball is in her court.”
Adelaide nods, probably understanding the undercurrent of what I’m not saying. Or maybe not. Who knows? The more I’ve gotten to know her, it’s clear that she’s the complete opposite of what this town chews up and spits out. God only knows how Adelaide remains intact in Hollywood. This city is full of sharks ready to devour anyone at the first sign of weakness.
“Well, I hope it all works out,” she says with sincerity and finishes her apple.
One of the production assistants approaches our table. “Mr. Butler is here and wants to see you both in Jimmy’s trailer.”
What the hell is Bernie doing here?
“Okay, we’ll be right there,” I say.
