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“Yeah,” she says. “Thanks for coming all this way to see me.”
“You don’t need to thank me. How much longer do you think you’ll be here?” I ask.
“I wanted to ask you… they gave me the option to stay another thirty days, thought I could use it. But…” Her lips straighten.
A proud smile stretches my lips. “Whatever you need. As long as you want.”
“Thank you, Jimmy. I’ll pay you back.”
“Don’t worry about that.” I’ll continue to pay as long as she’s getting the help she needs.
“I’m sick of being stuck here, but I know it’s what’s best.”
“I’ll be here waiting when you get out. Whenever that is.”
We stand and she steps forward wrapping her arms around my waist. I rest my chin on her head, close my eyes, and inhale her scent.
I didn’t tell her what I wanted to today. Maybe next time. She’s so at peace, I can’t bear to strip that away from her. But one thing’s for certain—if we’re ever going to move on with our lives, we need to make peace with the past. Lilah’s doing her part. I’ll need to do mine.
Chapter Thirty
LILAH
It’s been four weeks since I’ve seen or talked to Jimmy.
The past month has been so painful at times that it’s hard to stay with these memories. My walk down memory lane isn’t a fond one. A mother who died when I was young, a father who abused me, growing up dirt poor, my own sexual escapades over the years and… the one thing I’ll never discuss with my counselor.
I never will.
That secret goes with me to my grave.
It’s the least I can do.
I’m making progress though. And that’s something. Hell, that’s something I haven’t done in more than a decade. Baby steps.
Jimmy’s visiting today, and I’m giddy like a little girl waiting in line to see Santa Claus. Every minute ticks by slower, so I decide to go for a swim to keep my mind sane.
Desert Vista has a large outdoor pool that’s more like a hot tub because of the desert heat. Since I’ve been here, I’ve started swimming laps. Exercise is good for my body, but even better for my mind. It clears my head and puts me in a meditative state. When I’m swimming, the outside world slips away and I only concentrate on proper pace and breathing.
I’m about to turn and push off the wall to do another lap when something catches my eye. I stop and lift my head to inhale, then I pull my goggles off my face. Jimmy stares at me with a serene smile.
I wipe the water from my eyes. Trying to catch my breath, I look at him and enjoy the feeling of being home that warms my body when he’s around. It was always there, dulled by the effects of drugs and alcohol before. Now it’s like a living, breathing entity of its own.
“You’re early,” I say, keeping the smile on my face so he knows it’s not a problem. The counselors have warned us about families being worried and walking on eggshells. I never want Jimmy to fear I’ll use again because of something he did. I’ve put way too much blame on him already.
“Guilty as charged. The flight left a little early and the pilot said we made good time with the winds.”
“Just give me a second to get dried off.”
I push up on the side of the pool and exit the water. Once I’m standing, water dripping off my sport bikini, I sneak another glimpse at Jimmy. The last time he came here, it felt like a dream after. I want to soak up as much of him as I can.
Heat flares in his eyes when they flow down my body, but he quickly snuffs it out.
Heat rises to my cheeks and I’m not sure why. This man has seen me without my clothes on more times than I can count. But I had no idea how different the world would look without drugs. So vibrant and full of color.
“You look great,” he says, breaking the silence. “I mean, you always look good, but you look healthy.”
“Thanks. Just let me dry off, then we can sit and catch up.” I grab my towel off the lounger and dry myself.
