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“You did?” I look at Jimmy.
“I thought maybe I could get this guy to settle down, but neither one of them was into it.”
I mock astonishment. “You mean the great Tripp Savage, rock god, couldn’t win over a woman? Has hell frozen over too?”
“Right?” Tripp grins, and Jimmy laughs.
Our conversation turns light and easy through dinner, which is more than I could have hoped for.
Then again, I haven’t gotten to the hard part yet.
Chapter Thirty-seven
JIMMY
Ididn’t hold out much hope that Tripp and Lilah could be civil to each other tonight. So, I’m shocked that we manage to finish dinner without either of them snipping at the other.
When I invited Tripp to join us, I explained the reason why and urged him to come with an open mind and be ready to start over. He seemed receptive. Wonders never cease.
“That was great, babe, thanks,” I say, leaning over.
She meets me halfway to share a chaste kiss, and before our lips meet, our eyes lock and I notice the undercurrent of nerves.
The time is here.
“Thanks.” She leans back in her chair, looking across the table at Tripp. “I’m assuming Jimmy mentioned why I wanted you to come by tonight?”
He nods slowly. “Yeah.” He crumples his napkin and tosses it on the table.
“Before I say what I need to say, I want to explain a few things.” She takes a deep breath and reaches out in front of her, using her hands to steady herself.
What the hell is she going to say?
“The first time my father sexually abused me, I was eight.”
Bile rises up my throat and I swallow it back. My hand shoots out and grabs hers, squeezing. “Lilah, you don’t have to do this.”
Tears prick her eyes and her lips press together when she looks at me. “I do.”
I glance across the table at Tripp, whose face is pure white.
“I don’t know how much of our past Jimmy has shared with you, but growing up, all we really had was each other. My mom died in childbirth, and his mom left when he was young. We lived on the side of a mountain in the Appalachians. It was its own little community of sorts, but no one had any money. We were lucky we even got to catch the bus and ride almost an hour to school every day.
“Anyway, like I said, I was eight the first time it happened. Jimmy was the only bright spot in my life. Without him, I never would have survived. If I was hungry, he scavenged for food for me to eat. If I was cold, he lent me some of his own outdoor gear to stay warm. If I was upset about stuff going on at home, he’d drag me out of the house and force me to go on an adventure with him.”
For the first time, she makes eye contact with Tripp. He hasn’t interrupted or even looked as though he wants to. It’s clear she needs to say whatever it is she’s leading up to here.
For a second, panic grips my insides, turning them cold—surely, she’ll stop before… no, there’s no way.
I squeeze her hand, silently urging her to continue.
“I didn’t tell you all of that to excuse my behavior, not at all. I’m the one who made the choices I did, no one else. I told you so that you’ll understand why it was impossible for me to let him go. He’s a part of me. You might as well have been asking me to cut out my heart, because living without him would have killed me.”
“I’m so sorry that all that stuff happened to you. No one should ever have to deal with that,” Tripp says, and the sincerity in his voice rings true.
“I’m the one who owes you an apology. You helped Jimmy clean up so many of my messes, and you were the one to console him when I would hurt him time and time again. Thank you for always looking out for him and for taking care of him when I couldn’t.” A tear trails down her face, and she swipes it away with the back of her hand.
“You should know that I’m committed to my sobriety. It’s not easy. Some days I’m so close to calling one of my old contacts and going on a bender, it’s scary. But then I imagine my life years from now and what I want it to be”—she glances at me with a small smile and squeezes my hand—“and I do what it takes not to cave into my base instincts to numb myself. And I’ll keep doing whatever I need to to get through each second, each minute, each hour, until I’m stronger.”
