Page 90 of Beautifully Scarred


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The sun is fallingin the sky and I flip my page, waiting for Lilah to come back out so we can decide about dinner.

The sliding doors open behind me. “I’m going to run out for a while.”

I turn away from the ocean view to see Lilah stepping out of the sliding doors. “Where are you headed?”

“I’m meeting Mina in the city. She wants to discuss what my next steps are, if there are any.”

I sit up from the lounger and place my feet on either side. “You’ve decided to go back to work?”

She shrugs. “I’m not sure. We’re going to discuss it.”

Up until now, she’s told me she has no interest in returning to modeling. What changed?

“Okay. I’ll come with you and then we can grab dinner?”

“No, I’m good to go on my own. I’ll call you on the way back. It’ll be late, but maybe I’ll stop at that Thai place you love and bring some home for us as a late-night snack and we can watch a movie or something?”

I sit back and stare at her. The last thing I want is to pressure her. At the Al Anon meeting I went to, they said I can’t control Lilah and shouldn’t try. “Yeah, okay, sounds good.”

“Great.” She smiles, but it’s not the one I’ve seen since she returned from rehab. In fact, she’s as cagey as she was when she used.

“Are you sure everything is okay?” I ask.

“Promise,” she says.

“Pinkie promise?” I hold out my hand with my pinkie finger extended.

The anxiety churning in my gut has reached a boiling point. I need to know she’s okay, that we’re okay, and she would never lie to me on a pinkie promise. It may have started as a silly game between kids, but it’s developed into a solemn vow—one I know neither of us would ever break.

Leaning in, she places a chaste kiss on my lips before cupping my face and meeting my gaze. “I love you.” She hooks her pinkie finger to mine.

She withheld the words for so long that every time she says she loves me, it’s a precious gift. A morsel of relief eases some of the tension racking my body.

“I love you too. Always.”

Rather than love reflected back at me, her blue eyes shine with sadness.

“I’ll call you,” she says and heads back into the house to leave.

I watch her until she’s out of sight.

Why can’t I shake the feeling that the perfect future I envision is about to be ripped away?

Chapter Forty

LILAH

After the movie premiere, Bernie’s secretary called the next day to set up a meeting for the following week. A helluva lot sooner than I’m prepared for.

Keeping the secret from Jimmy that I’m meeting with Bernie almost put me in a tailspin, but it’s time for me to be the strong one in our relationship.

I enter the lobby of the building all the studio executives work in, make my way through security, and get into the elevator, where I hit the button for the top floor. I step off the elevator, and in my Esperanza heels and sundress, I approach the reception desk. A young blonde who looks as though she could be my sister is packing up her bags and shutting down her computer.

“You must be Lilah,” she says.

“I am.”

“Mr. Butler is expecting you. You can go right in. His door is at the end of the hall.”

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