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She meets my eyes. “Over there.”
My heart gives a heavy thud. “In England?”
“Yes, in Devon.”
We stare at each other for a long moment.
“Does it have to be you?” I ask. I feel nauseous. It’s not even as if she’s said Australia—it’s the other side of the world.
“Titus said they’re expecting it to be me. It would be a fantastic experience. I’ve never worked in England, and the opportunity to learn from their scientists is something I didn’t think I’d get, to this extent anyway.”
My heart’s racing. Her expression is hopeful and cautious. She wants me to be pleased for her. But she’s expecting me to be angry.
“Is it a permanent move?” I ask.
“They’ve requested a two-year commitment.”
Two years. I give a short, humorless laugh, lean back, and look away, out through the window. It’s dark now, and the round lights in each alcove make me feel as if we’re on life rafts floating on the ocean, each nook its own small world.
“Say something,” she pleads.
I turn my gaze back to her. “What do you want? My blessing?” My voice is sharp, but I don’t care.
She winces. “I understand why you’re angry.”
“I’m not angry. I’m incredibly hurt.”
Her brows draw together, and she bites her lip.
“Last night,” I continue, “I’m pretty sure I remember us having sex.”
“I know.”
“Four times.”
Her eyes glimmer with a touch of humor. “I know.”
“Tell me it wasn’t amazing.”
She gives me a look that saysYou know I can’t.
“You’re just going to walk away from that?” I ask.
“It was just sex,” she says. Her eyes are a touch cool.
That hits me like a blow to the stomach. I’m not stupid—I know women can have sex without emotion the same as men. But is that really what happened here? I don’t believe it.
“Tell me you don’t feel anything for me,” I snap.
“Of course I feel something for you,” she says gently. “You’re my best friend, and I don’t want to lose that relationship. But I had no intentions of it becoming anything more than that. I asked you if you’d donate sperm for me because I want a baby and I think you’d make a great father. But I don’t want a relationship. It was you who demanded one night with me, who made the grand gesture of jumping off the building. How could I say no after that? Mack practically put me in an arm lock to make sure I went through with it. And… I’m attracted to you. Of course I am. I was curious. And the sex was amazing. But it was never going to be more than that. I thought you understood.”
I’m so shocked, I can’t speak. She’s right. At no point has she intimated that she’s interested in a relationship. I’m the one who’s pushed it all along.
Her eyes meet mine, and she drops her gaze again. And it’s only then that I realize just how much I hurt her all those years ago. Part of me thought she was concentrating on her career, and it was only a matter of time before she came around. I was convinced we’d get together eventually. But she was obviously determined all along to keep her distance.
I have a large mouthful of whisky and welcome the sear of the firewater down to my stomach. I watch her sip from her glass, and then something occurs to me. “What happens if you get pregnant?”
She looks into her glass for a moment, then lifts her gaze to mine. “They do have babies in England.”
