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“Me?” she gasped. “You have the temerity to ask me whatI’mdoing.”
“Yes, Mother, I am justfilledwith temerity this morning. What made you think you could just barge into my room, let alone my bathroom?”
The lady sniffed. “This is my house, Simon. I can barge wherever I like.”
“Then I’ll move to the penthouse permanently,” Simon said with icy calm that worried Ben.
“You’d leave me here, an old woman, all alone? I have no idea how I raised such an uncaring son.”
“First of all, mother, Hudson lives here and Roberta comes here every day—”
“That’s not true! She does not!” The old lady stamped her foot. Ben expected her to ask to see a supervisor any second.
Simon gave his mother a disgusted look. “Maria comes when Roberta has her days off.”
“It’s not the same thing. I could fall and break a hip and you’d never know!”
“Mother, you’re being ridiculous. Please leave and let me and Ben get dressed. We can discuss this in my study like civilized people.”
“You have five minutes,” she said, then flounced out.
Simon banged his head against the marble tile that covered the walls of the bathroom. Ben risked standing up, climbed as gracefully as he could out of the large tub, then went over to Simon. “I’m going to go to my room, okay?” Simon looked like he wanted to argue, so Ben put his fingers lightly over Simon’s mouth. “This is between you and your mother. Having me there won’t help anything, trust me.”
Simon sagged then turned and enveloped Ben in a massive hug. “I’m sorry, love. So sorry. This isn’t the way I wanted my mother to find out about us.”
Ben nodded, feeling numb. He dried off quickly then went to Simon’s room to get dressed. He didn’t bother with tie, belt, or jacket. Instead, he held them in his hands. “Good luck,” he said, then stepped forward and went up on tiptoe to kiss Simon’s mouth.
“This wasn’t how any of this was supposed to happen,” Simon said after he’d pulled back.
Ben nodded again. That much was obvious. “I’ll… uh… get going.”
Simon nodded. “Probably just as well. Mother is already upset. No need for her to go apoplectic.” He smiled. “Actually, I think she’s already at apoplectic, so I suppose I should hope she doesn’t go nuclear.”
Nodding his head like a damn bobble-head doll, Ben backed out of the room and then fled for the stairs. It seemed the least likely place for Ben to run into her.
By the time he reached the fourth floor, Ben was wheezing a little so he took a hit on his inhaler, then he sat down at the table in the small kitchen. He should make himself some breakfast, but Ben had no appetite. All he could think of was how angry Simon’s mother was and how much that scared him. What if she was like Ben’s mother? As angry as she was, that seemed likely. He’d been through that too many times. He didn’t think he could do it again, not even if he was only a witness.
“Go,” Momma had said in the tone that meant she wasn’t ever going to back down or change her mind. “Get out of my house and never come back.”
“But, Momma,” he’d protested.
That had been met with a ringing slap to his face. “Don’t you call me that, you understand me? I’m not your momma, you’re not my son. No son of mine would blaspheme the word of God like you have. Not only blasphemed, but dragged it through the muck and excrement. Do you hear me? No son of mine.”
Ben shook himself away from the memory. Revisiting it wouldn’t help. He needed a plan, and the first part of that plan was to take a shower then put on clean clothes.
Just over a half-hour later, Ben crept down the stairs wearing a backpack. He packed all his old clothes and left the new ones behind, with the exception of the suit. It was tailored for him and it couldn’t be returned, and it had been a gift. Well, all of it had been gifts, Ben supposed, but the suit was special. He couldn’t bear to leave it behind. He expected one of the stair treads to creak and announce he wasn’t really in his room, but Simon and his mother were far too loud to have heard him as he passed.
He saw the coat Simon had bought for him hanging on an antique coat tree near the front door. Part of him ached to take it, but it didn’t feel right. Besides, he had a coat, even if it wasn’t nearly as nice or as warm. Wearing his own clothes and coat and shoes, Ben let himself outside of the beautiful dream he’d just woken up from.
The nearest L stop was far away. Much further than Ben was used to walking, but it wasn’t like he had anywhere to be at any time in particular. He put his hood up and his head down and just walked, relying on the navigation of his phone to tell him which way to go.
Ben’s thoughts stewed around in his head as he trudged toward the L station. He knew Simon wasn’t like him. He wasn’t gay. Ben wasn’t sure if he was even bi. Ben was the first man he’d ever had sex with, and he was in hisforties,for heaven’s sake. Ben had known he was different from when he’d been young, and he’d tried so, so hard to be the son his mother wanted but never quite made it. Simon, though, didn’t have to throw everything, including his home, away because of Ben. He knew he was just an interlude in Simon’s life, and it had been sweet and all-too short, but an interlude was all it ever could’ve been. Leaving now was the right decision. Simon would see that. There was nothing more important than family. No one knew that better than Ben.
He tried to ignore the painful ache in his chest as he walked further and further from Simon. He’d never, in his entire life, known anyone so sweet and sexy and altogether impossible. He did have his sketch pad, however, so he’d have Simon’s likeness—the real one and not a face conjured from memory and imagination—to remind him of what it had been like to be with him. Ben was spoiled now, he knew. No man could ever match up to Simon. It wasn’t possible. And as much as it felt like torture walking away, Ben knew it was the right decision. Better to have had a small slice of perfection than to have stayed and had Simon become more and more resentful of Ben and how he’d come between mother and son.
It was hard enough leaving now. Weeks, months, years from now it would only get harder. Leaving now was for the best and everything would be fine. No, everythingwasfine. Totally fine. Ben, too. He was fine. A little cold, but it would be warmer on the train. As for where he’d take it, Ben wasn’t sure. He could go back to his room in Kyle’s place, he assumed. The water might be gone, and if he bought a gallon of bleach and mixed it with water, he could spray down everything he couldn’t wash and maybe that would keep the mold down.
As for what excuse to give Kyle, he could say that he’d been kidnapped and held against his will. Which wasn’t exactly a lie. Kyle might take him back. If nothing else, Ben had paid for the month of December already. He was entitled to almost two weeks of shelter.
