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The nurse clucked her tongue. “You came in unconscious with a huge bump on your head. They took x-rays and did a CT scan. You have a broken ulna, that’s in your forearm, and a radial break in your wrist. You also have a concussion and a minor brain bleed. That means you’ll be in ICU until those resolve.”
A brain bleed sounded really bad. “Am I going to die?”
The nurse sniffed. “We all die eventually. Today or tomorrow? Unlikely, but you never know.” Smiling slightly at what must have been a look of horror on Ben’s face, she added, “You’re young, and while on the anemic side and sick with an upper respiratory infection, you seem healthy enough. You’ll survive.”
Ben thought about having another hospital bill, this one even more expensive than the last, and felt like he might throw up.
“Are you going to be sick?” She handed him a small plastic receptacle. “Use this if you need to vomit. The doctors want you as immobile as possible.”
“What if I have to use the bathroom?”
The nurse, if anything, looked more stern. “Do you have to use the bathroom?”
“No?”
“Good. You shouldn’t feel the need to urinate because a catheter is emptying your bladder. If you do feel an urgent need to urinate, let us know. For now, try to get some rest. I’ll check back on you in a few hours.”
As the nurse left the room, someone else entered it. A slim woman with dark hair smiled at Ben. “Hi, Ben. I’m Dr. Kahn. You had us all worried there for a bit. I’m happy to see you’re awake. Let me take a look at your eyes.” She pulled out a flashlight that looked like a pen and shone it into each eye. “Good,” she said afterward, but he wasn’t sure if she’d seen something positive or if she was only remarking on Ben’s obedient behavior. “We’ll be keeping you here for a few days at least. Possibly until after Christmas, but if we can get you out of here before that, we will. Do you have any questions?”
Ben had lots of questions but he was too tired to ask them. He shook his head slightly. “Not right now. Can you turn the light out? It’s so bright in here.”
“Sure. I'll check in with you later during rounds, okay?”
“Mm hmm,” Ben murmured, then closed his eyes. Nothing at all was okay but he was far too tired and sore to deal with any of it.
After the doctor shut off the light then left, Ben let himself drift away again. At least while he was asleep nothing hurt.
Ben got some sleep that night, but it was interrupted every few hours by someone or other wanting to talk to him, or take his vitals, or give him medication, or change his medication, or take blood.
Each time he woke some stupidly masochistic part of himself looked over to the corner of the room where the armchair sat. It was empty each time, and even though there was no way at all for Simon to know where he was, it hurt each time Ben saw he wasn’t there.
It was so, so stupid. He’d left because he’d needed to exit Simon’s glamorous and entirely impossible life. Simon would make things up with his mother and he’d be fine without Ben. More than fine. Perhaps he’d find another man, or maybe a woman, or maybe no one at all, but his life would be better in all ways without Ben in it.
Ben, on the other hand, felt increasingly displaced and alone without Simon by his side. Ben had been lonely for a very long time, but after getting a taste of life with someone like Simon, he wasn’t sure how he’d live without it.
It wasn’t the money, either. Or not entirely. Simon was a Prince and Ben was like the little match girl, dreaming of a better life while freezing to death. Their stories didn’t intersect. A Mr. Darcy would never shack up with a Tom Joad. It was crazy to think he and Simon had ever had any kind of future together.
Simon was definitely better off without him, and Ben was fine. Or would be fine, eventually. Probably. As fine as anyone with a broken arm, no home, and no job could be.
He should, he supposed, blame Simon for all three things, but Ben wouldn’t trade a minute of the time he’d spent with Simon for his old life to be still intact. His job had been grueling, he was never scheduled enough hours to be full-time, and Kyle’s basement room had been pretty terrible. Ben would find a new job, and maybe it would be better. He’d find a new place to live and maybe the landlord would be less of a jerk. He would get by, as he always did.
Ben’s eyes prickled and then a tear ran down his cheek. He missed Simon with an intensity that rivaled the pain in his head. He wanted to be safe and secure andloved.As it was, Ben didn’t even have any friends good enough to let him couch surf until he found a new job. He wasn’t sure exactly what he would do, but maybe there would be someone at the hospital to help him. A social worker, possibly? Ben had no idea and it was hard to think clearly and make plans with his body screaming out with one kind of pain and his heart smothered by another.
Ben felt in every fiber of his being that he needed several hours of uninterrupted sleep.
And Simon.
When Ben woke from that longed-for slumber, he wanted Simon to be there by his bedside.
Unfortunately, he was unlikely to get either wish.
32
Simon Searches for Ben
Wednesday, December 20
Simon’s neighborhood
