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“Nolan.” It sounds so good whispered breathlessly while I’m still trembling from the aftershocks. Only he’s not here. It doesn’t matter how clearly I picture him in my head or how good I am at convincing myself he’s on top of me.
I should stop this. I need to stop this. Or else I won’t be able to help myself much longer. It’ll get harder and harder to stay away from him.
The lines are going to blur, and I’ll wind up hurting Liz in the end. And maybe getting my heart broken.
The thought makes me jump off the bed. I need to be stronger, dammit. I can’t hurt my best friend.
Though that doesn’t stop me from grabbing the shirt and taking it with me as an afterthought. He’ll never miss one shirt, and he never needs to know I’ll be sleeping in it.
I’ll know, and that will have to be enough.
CHAPTER3
NOLAN
“Aw, Dad. We made dinner for you and everything.” I could practically hear Liz pouting over the phone when I called earlier to say I’d be home late. “Rose wanted to make sure you had all your favorites tonight.”
It doesn’t mean anything. Stop being a fucking pervert. It was sick, the way my thoughts immediately moved in that direction. Like she was cooking for me because she wants me. Because that’s at all the same thing.
“I’m sorry, honey. Save me the leftovers to heat up when I get home.”
I don’t exactly look forward to heating up leftover pasta and chicken parm, even if Rose prepared them especially for me. I’d rather be eating her pussy than her cooking.
And that is the pathetic reason I stayed late at the office. Why I left long after everyone else, saying good night to the cleaning staff on the way out. Not that it’s exactly abnormal for me to work late, but I try to make it a point to do it from home nowadays. I want to be present for Liz.
She has Rose to keep her company now. At least I don’t have to worry about her losing out or feeling lonely because I can’t control my runaway lust for a kid nearly a quarter of a century younger than me.
It’s past ten o’clock by the time I turn the corner onto my block. My heart’s pounding for fuck’s sake. What am I getting so excited about? There’s a girl my daughter’s age staying in the guest room. She’s been legal for roughly five minutes.
I’m not a stupid man—at least, I never believed I was before now. I always wondered what was wrong with men who made mistakes that ended up tanking their lives. Affairs with the nanny and shit like that.
Now, I think I get it. Sometimes you come up against someone who robs you of reason and logic. What seems impossible when you're thinking clearly makes sense all of a sudden. You would tell yourself anything so long as it meant getting what you wanted.
I'm not going to make that mistake. I will not break my daughter's trust and take away a friendship that's meant so much to her.
The porch light is on, but the house is mostly dark. Liz has been working the morning shift lately, so she could be in bed by now. I'm hoping Rose followed suit with nothing better to do. Even if she's reading or on her laptop, so long as she's out of my sight and therefore not such a temptation, it's fine with me.
The only light burning on the first floor is the one above the stove. Liz stuck a Post-it to the rangehood.Dinner’s in the fridge. You'd better eat something.
I can't help but laugh softly at the way my daughter tries to mother me.
Though I'm not in the mood for much of anything. My appetite passed while I buried myself in overdue emails and reports I should have read weeks ago. If one good thing has come from Rose moving in, it's the way I’ve already caught up on a lot of work. I might even empty my inbox thanks to her.
It's easy to laugh at myself now, with no sign of Rose’s tempting body. As much as I long for her, I know it's for the best that we avoid each other. What am I supposed to do, though? Skip dinner at home until she's gone? How long will that last? What happens on the weekends?
I'm a grown man, but this girl may as well own my soul.
Rather than get so much as a snack, I go straight for the stairs. I’m past the age of eating anything more than a light snack at this time of night, anyway, not if I want to sleep.Because you’re an old man, or did you forget?I don’t much need to hear the taunting from my own subconscious.
What I need more than anything is rest after having spent most of last night wide-awake. I couldn't shake the memory of sitting on the sofa with her, watching a movie I don't remember a single minute of only twenty-four hours later. So aware of her every move. The way she chewed her lip when she was deep in the story. Her sniffles when things got emotional. Her helpless giggles at the jokes.
It's amazing I remembered to breathe.
I doubt things will improve tonight, but exhaustion has to win out eventually. I walk down the familiar hallway in the dark after only glancing at Rose’s door on the way, flipping the lights on once I reach my room.
Instantly, it's clear something is off.
One thing about me that time will never change: I like things a certain way, at least in my bedroom and bathroom. I can't always control Liz's habits, but I can control my own, and I made my bed this morning as I always do.
