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“You’regorgeous.”
Angry butterflies rioted in my stomach. I felt myself growing weak and needed to do something to maintain the upper hand. With a snarky smile, I responded, “Nice line. Tell me, do youalwaysfeel the need to butter up the women you want to fuck with shallow compliments?” It was at that very moment I knew I’d gone too far.
His pale eyes grew dark and angry. The muscle in his jaw ticked as he stared me down. “Despite your flattering opinion of me, I don’t just go around the city sticking my dick in every willing woman. I don’t lie, I don’t give false hopes. I’m honest with the women I take to bed. I let them know up front that I’m not looking for anything other than a quick fuck. That isn’t what I want from you.” Clenching his eyes shut, he pulled in a deep breath before opening them once again and staring down at me intensely, like he was searching for patience. “I’m not some asshole who’s going to pursue one woman while he’s banging a handful of others. If I’m interested in a woman, whether it’s only for one night or more, she’s theonlyone I plan on fucking.”
I inhaled a shaky breath. “B-but, you’re not… we’re not…” I couldn’t finish that sentence for some reason.
“I’m well aware,” he responded sarcastically. “And you can’t imagine the pain a month and a half long case of blue balls can cause.”
My eyes bugged out at his admission. He hadn’t slept with anyone since… I did a quick calculation in my head. He hadn’t had sex since I started working for him. That girl on my first day had to have been the last. And just like that, he’d revealed another layer of himself.
“You hurt my feelings,” I whispered, speaking the words before giving them any thought.
His head lowered and he trailed his nose along my jaw. “I know. And you can’t imagine how much I regret that I did. I’m an idiot, Navie, but I swear to God, if you give me a fucking shot, I’ll make it right. I’ll make it good between us.”
Oh, the feels. Things were beginning to get too intense. The mood needed to be lightened. “You won’t try and make me jealous again?” I asked with a forced laugh. “Well, that’s good to know. I wouldn’t want to have to kick you in the nuts.”
He lifted his head and smiled at me. “No. I promise not to hurt you again.”
My own smile vanished and I had to blink the back tears that suddenly burned the backs of my eyes. “You can’t make that promise, Rowan. No one can. If I’ve learned anything in my life, it’s that pain is inevitable.”
His gaze warmed as it flicked over my face. The pity I saw in those ice-blue depths was like a punch to the throat. “I can’t say that you’re wrong,” he said. “I’m just sorry you’ve ever had to deal with it.”
I cleared my throat awkwardly and gave him a small shrug. “It’s part of life, right?” The grin on my lips felt tight…fake. “Can we… can we maybe start over?”
“What do you mean?”
“Can we maybe… be friends?” I asked hesitantly, aware that it wasn’t what he wanted, but knowing I wasn’t capable of giving more. At least not with him.
Rowan’s forehead fell to my shoulder as he let out a deep sigh. “You really want to befriends?” He said the word like it left a bad taste in his mouth.
“I really do,” I replied softly. “It’s all I can offer, Rowan. I’m sorry.”
Pulling a deep breath in through his nose, he sat up and ran a hand through his rumpled hair. It felt like an eternity passed before he finally spoke. “All right. I can do friends.”
I sucked in a breath of sweet relief as he stood to leave the room. It wasn’t until I caught sight of Rowan wearing nothing more than a black pair of boxer briefs that I realized I was wearing something completely different than I had been the previous night. Looking down, I noticed I was wearing a t-shirt so big I was swimming in it, my panties, and… nothing else.
“Uh, Rowan? What happened to my clothes?” He looked over his shoulder and gave me a devilish smirk before walking out the door. If that smirk hadn’t gotten me all hot and bothered, I totally would have chased after him so I could blow in his face again.
Friends.
Fuckingfriends.
Well, if that wasn’t a kick in the balls, I didn’t know what was. Hell had frozen over. I’d officially been friend-zoned for the first time in my life. But I’d give her what she wanted. I’d be her friend. I’d be the best damn friend she ever had.
Then I’d go in for the kill.
Then I’d get whatIwanted.
Since that strange morning when I woke up in Rowan’s bed, things seemed to have gone back to normal. Well, normal-ish. I didn’t think anything about our interactions would be considered normal to the outside world, but it worked for us. He was still an unbending asshole most of the time. I was still a smartass whenever the opportunity arose. And with him being an unbending asshole, the opportunity arosea lot. But there was one major shift between us that I found myself enjoying more than I should have. We laughed. All the time. We made jokes, we teased, we pushed each other’s buttons. And it wasfun. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d laughed so much with a man. It was as if we understood each other on a deeper level, in a way I refused to let myself overanalyze.
He still touched me whenever there was a chance. Those touches could have still been considered less than professional, but I didn’t have it in me to fight any longer. I didn’twantto. I was skating a very slippery slope, craving those touches like a junky craved their next fix. My body reacted to everything about Rowan. His voice, his presence, his smell. There wasn’t one thing about him that didn’t turn me on in some way. I was in Hell, but damn if I wasn’t absolutely loving every minute of it.
The only downside was, in the evenings when I had to go home and give myselfthe talk. I spent an hour every night, standing in front of my mirror, reminding myself not to look too hard, feel too much. I had to keep my guard up. I had to be strong, because when that hurt came… and it most definitely would, I needed to be prepared. My life had never been easy. And I’d have been the most stupid of fools to forget that. I went to bed every single night telling myself that Rowan Locklaine hurting me eventually wouldnotbreak me. But the fear was always there, buried down deep where I could ignore it whenever I chose to.
But I was tough. I could handle it. If I just kept telling myself that, it would eventually become the truth…right?
It had to.
