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“I’m not running,” I muttered. “I’m rolling. There’s a difference.”
He didn’t try to drag me back. Just kept me from moving any further away as he replied.
“But the result is the same,” he whispered thickly. “Once again, I lose you. And once again, my heart is broken.”
For once, there were no eye-rolling dramatics behind his words. No theatrics, no irritation, no whining. It didn’t even sound like he was complaining about having a broken heart. He was simply stating a fact. A brutal, miserable fact.
Now my heart felt like it was the one breaking.
I remained tense on my side, my mouth hard and my eyes burning. I both hated and was grateful for the distance I’d put between us. It saved me as much as it slayed me.
It kept me lonely.
And it kept me safe.
But Errok told me earlier... He told me I’d always be safe with him.
I stifled a sob as Errok’s arm tightened where he held me. When he spoke again, it was a raw scrape in the fire-touched darkness. Like a broken claw on stone.
“I will ask nothing of you tonight. I swear to you that all we will do is sleep. Just don’t...” He inhaled shakily, his breath shattering as if he couldn’t get it around the jagged pieces of his heart. “Please don’t turn away from me.”
I don’t think I’ve ever heard him say, “please,” before.And it wasn’t just the word that was new, but the tone. His usual cocky air of command had cracked. And through those cracks, I could hear the fear.
Maybe I’m not the only one panicking.
I moved slowly, subtly, almost as if I somehow wouldn’t notice my own actions. If I thought too much about this, if I stopped to really take stock of what was happening, I’d only try to run away again. I still wanted to. Still wanted to run, as fast and as far as I could go. But even more than that, I wanted to shift and slide, one silent centimetre at a time, until I was touching him again. Until I could feel him, solid and safe at my back. The fear in his voice had gotten inside me. Turned me breathless with something unbearably painful. Something I wanted to turn away from but couldn’t.
Not pity.
Recognition.
Tension rammed through him when our bodies finally connected again, my back tentatively touching his front. Then came the sag of his relief. His arm grew heavier as it relaxed around me, and he breathed out in a long, groaning sigh.
“What are you afraid of?” I whispered.
His head nuzzled down, his breath stirring my damp hair as he answered.
“I am not afraid of anything.”
I rolled my eyes before I closed them for the final time that night.
“Of course, you’re not.”
