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“We found Corbin, and Parker just…took over, comforting him and trying to make him feel better. He’s good with people. And then suddenly Corbin was his friend, which meant he was always around us. It took me longer to warm up to him because I’m me, but one time…well, one time no one picked me up from school. I was there alone, and Corbin saw me. He brought me to his house and let me have dinner and asked his parents if I could sleep over. He didn’t push for why I’d been alone. He somehow knew I didn’t want to go home, and he was there for me. That made him my friend too.”
There was something different in how he spoke about Parker than the way he did Corbin. Not that I thought he didn’t care about Corbin in the same way; it was just…there was something special about Parker. I felt a pinch of jealousy in my chest despite being fully aware I had no business feeling it, but I couldn’t pretend I didn’t.
“You and Parker…are you…?” I let the question hang in the air, curious if he would finish it for me.
“Nah, but you’re not the first to ask that. None of us have ever been that way. They’re the only family I have.” His voice was more detached then, as if he kept thoughts of his family at arm’s length.
I didn’t want this night to turn sad or to bring up something that hurt Declan, so I asked, “And then Corbin brought Marcus into the fold?”
“Yeah. Midway through seventh grade, Parker came out, and he was so brave. It made Corbin admit his truth and tell us about Marcus, how they’d found each other on a message board for closeted queer teens and had been talking online. We didn’t see Marcus as much then because he went to a private school, but we used to get together at his place. His parents worked a lot, busy conquering the world. They love Marcus, but it’s just different with them. Marcus was basically raised by nannies. But that gave us a home base. We ended up at Park’s sometimes, even less at Corbin’s, but we’d take the bus to Marcus’s and could do what we wanted there. I stayed at Marcus’s quite a bit when I needed to be away from home.”
He chuckled, before continuing, “We used to call ourselves Beach Bums. They thought it was funny since they’d check out all the guys’ asses. The Beach Bums, going to admire all the bums…or buns. Either one worked.”
“Not you?”
“I didn’t realize it at that point. I wasn’t into anyone, probably because I’d never let myself think of people that way. I was too worried about keeping myself shut off from them, but as my relationship with them grew, I got more comfortable in my skin and let myself see that I was attracted to men.”
It broke my heart, thinking about Declan being such a loner, and lonely, and keeping to himself so much that he hadn’t experienced young crushes.
I decided to share a bit more myself. “I thought I was in love with this boy in my drama class in eighth grade. His name was Joshua. I can’t tell you how many hours I spent angsting over this kid while believing that I would never, ever be able to come out. I used to play around with screen writing—well, that’s what I called it.” I laughed. “I wrote many stories about Joshua falling madly in love with me, the two of us secretly together. In some of them we were out and no one cared. God, being young is hard. I’m glad that’s over.”
“You can say that again.”
“Now I just have to deal with finding my boyfriend in bed with my friend.” I laughed again, humorlessly.
Declan looked at me, his eyes stormy. “He didn’t deserve you.”
“I know.” And I did, but it still sucked. “Thank you for sharing that with me. I envy your friendship with them. It’s really great and—Wait a minute, does Beach Bums have anything to do with Beach Buns?” Parker had mentioned the name of his bakery a few times on the podcast.
Declan chuckled. “Yeah. We would have been the Beach Buns when we were younger if we could, but it’s not as easy to disguise the true meaning as with Beach Bums. Now, it not only fits a bakery, but it’s a nod to our family.”
Their family. I loved how he called them that. “Corbin is a physical therapist?”
“Yeah, he’s obsessed with anything body-related. The career choice was surprising, honestly. I thought he would go into something that gave him more attention for his looks. Not in a bad way. He just enjoys that kind of thing, but he likes helping people too. He’s amazed at what the body can do, and I guess he has his Instagram page for the other stuff.”
