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We were all quiet for a moment because as much as we enjoyed joking around and giving each other shit, this was serious. My gaze flicked to Corbin, who was clearly trying not to pay attention to any of us. He was one of my best friends, so to me, he’d always been beautiful, but when he was younger, that wasn’t what people thought when they looked at him. Now, since he’d lost weight, his skin had cleared up, and he’d gotten some work done, he couldn’t keep men off him. It was sad when you thought about it, that people—not just queer, but all people—cared so much about shit like that.
When no one spoke up right away, I said, “I’m sorry you feel that way. While my situation wasn’t the same, I know what it’s like not to fit in, to feel like you’re not what people expect or want, and while you experience that for a million different reasons, what it does to you inside is universal. For me, one thing that helped was these idiots.” Everyone laughed. “Finding your crew, your people, can do a lot for you. And also—and I know this isn’t something everyone can do—I stopped giving a shit what others thought. I don’t need people like that in my life. I’m not saying that’s easy to do, but…” I didn’t know what else to say. I didn’t usually handle shit like this.
Parker reached over and put a hand on my thigh in support. “Unrealistic beauty standards is a problem in society as a whole, not just the queer community.”
“Word,” Marcus added.
It played a part in how Corbin felt about himself. The more social media followers he got, the harder he worked to look good and the better he felt about himself. I hated that, but it was his reality.
“But that doesn’t mean we get a pass,” Parker replied. “I think what Average Gay means is that we know what it’s like to be judged, to be looked down on or to have assumptions made about us, so we should be better about not doing it to others.”
“I agree,” Marcus said. “I think an important point is that it’s okay to want things for yourself; it’s okay to enjoy working out or eating healthy. The problem comes when you feel like that’s where your worth lies, or you judge others who are different from you. And we can’t pretend that for some, the obsession with the straight-acting gay man doesn’t come from internalized homophobia. Again, there’s nothing wrong with being who you are; it’s when you make assumptions or condemn others for being something different.”
The conversation went on, mostly between Marcus and Parker. I spoke now and again, but Corbin kept quiet. We answered a couple of questions afterward and then ended the podcast by chatting about our sponsors.
“You good, kid?” Marcus called Corbin that sometimes even though we were all around the same age. It was usually when Corb was feeling down.
“Perfect.” Corbin threw his arms around me, changing the subject. “Aww, he likes us! He might call us idiots, but he loves us and said we help make his life better! I love you, Dec! You always fit in with us.”
“I want in on this too! I love you guys!” Parker hugged us.
A second later, Marcus joined in. “This is ridiculous, but I suppose I shouldn’t be left out.”
I groaned while I was squeezed tight by my three brothers. “I love you guys, but this is a little much.”
“Fuck yes it is.” Marcus pulled back first, then Parker and Corbin, and we all turned our attention to Corbin. We didn’t say anything, didn’t talk about his complicated feelings about looks because he wouldn’t want that. We just hugged him and told him we loved him.
It took Corbin longer to let go.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Sebastian
“Bastian, are you listening to me?” my sister, Brooke, asked, which made me realize that no, I hadn’t been listening to her at all. I hadn’t seen Declan since our trip to the Getty, but a new episode of The Vers had released since then, and I’d done nothing except obsess about it. First about how different he was, how at ease when he spoke and laughed with his Beach Bums. And then there was his answer to Average Gay. I knew so little about his past, about his life, but I wanted every single detail, wanted him to share those pieces of his life with me, which was ridiculous and none of my business and—“Sebastian!”
Shit. I changed the phone from one ear to another. I still hadn’t answered Brooke. “Sorry, I’m just…thinking about a guy,” I admitted.
“Your ex? I still can’t believe that motherfucker did that.”
“Wow. You’re definitely angry. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you use that word before.”
“Well, that’s what happens when you hurt my brother. And now he’s texting you and telling you he misses you? Gross.”
