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He got his first public boyfriend at seven years. He’d texted to tell me before it got out, which he hadn’t had to do. I was happy for him. It had always been clear to me that Sebastian was a boyfriend kind of guy. We weren’t in a relationship and had never been exclusive.
When they broke up, he came to LA, and I went to his place for a hookup. They’d only lasted about six months.
It was year eight when he started dating Neil Folton, an up-and-coming actor without the clout Sebastian had. He and Neil got serious and moved in together in New York. Sebastian still kept in touch, but we didn’t fuck again.
It had gone on too long anyway.
I thought about him more than I should, which was another sign it was past time for it to have ended.
CHAPTER ONE
Sebastian
I’d been awake for around seventy-two hours. We were wrapping up Bound and Determined, which had been a grueling movie to shoot. Being an actor? It was nothing like what I thought it would be. Actually, that wasn’t true. I loved acting. I loved the creativity behind it when I was allowed to be creative, but at other times it was stifling. It started when I was told I had to stay in the closet. When I eventually refused, the world hadn’t ended. I still had a career. My movies still broke box-office records each time. Men were still okay with seeing me blow shit up and kick ass.
But I was just put into a different kind of cage. I had to be the right kind of gay man, whatever the fuck that meant. I could kill people in every role I played, but my image outside of work had to stay family-friendly. Stay was actually the word they used. Anything went in movies, but in my personal life, nothing considered taboo or too gay was allowed. They loved that Neil and I fit the exact roles they wanted for us.
And then there was the fact that I had to choose the same kind of roles over and over again because if I did anything too emotional, too serious, too soft or honest, then the fear was women wouldn’t still think about fucking me—despite knowing I was gay—and men wouldn’t want to see my movies because I wouldn’t have that masc mentality they made me cling to.
It was…exhausting. And like I said, not what I thought.
But filming just wrapped in Atlanta, a day early, and I’d already decided I was taking a break. I fucking needed it. Luckily, due to some unforeseen circumstances, release was pushed back and we didn’t have to start promoting Bound and Determined for close to a year. Since I was in between projects, I didn’t have much in the way of work to do at all.
I booked a red-eye back to the city. I hadn’t told Neil I was coming home yet. He was always complaining about how long I was gone anyway, even though he was an actor too. He was supposed to get it. Relationships with people outside of the industry were a lot harder. Been there, done that, but it mostly worked with Neil.
Mostly.
But I didn’t want to think about that right then. I wanted to board this plane, get home, climb into bed, get laid, and then sleep for a week.
As the flight attendant started speaking, I slipped my earbuds in and went straight to the newest episode of The Vers, a podcast Declan and his three besties hosted. He’d mentioned it in passing before, so I’d decided to check it out and had instantly become hooked. Sometimes it surprised me that he participated in a podcast about love, sex, friendship, and queer life and culture. It didn’t seem like something he would do, but in the grand scheme of things, I didn’t know a whole lot about Declan. I’d spent the better part of ten years fucking him once in a while, only randomly checking in with him while I was with Neil, and that was the extent of us. But then, it was a running joke on The Vers that he was pulled into it kicking and screaming because he was the loner of the group. And from what I gathered, his friend Marcus had to be talked into it as well. I’m glad they realized what a good idea it had been. It was popular as hell, bringing in quite a few big sponsors. I figured it had made Declan some decent money, because of those.
Plus, it gave me a way to not-creepily stalk him.
Which I did.
Religiously.
For whatever reason, Declan had fascinated me from the first time I’d stepped into what was now his bar. I’d learned more about him from listening to The Vers than he’d ever told me.
