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Because you’ve never felt worthy, because you think something about you makes people want to walk away from you.
Damned if that wasn’t true. I could lie to myself all I wanted, but that didn’t change the fact that I was very cautious about who I let in, and when I chose to share myself with someone, I was so afraid of losing them. Of them realizing they were better than me or didn’t want me. How long had I worried about that with Parker, Marcus, and Corbin? What the hell would I do if that happened with Sebastian?
“Hey, we’re here,” he said, snapping me out of my thoughts and making me realize we were at his place. I nodded and climbed out. Sebastian was right behind me. When we got to the porch, he put his hand on the small of my back, and fuck if I didn’t want to melt into him. If I didn’t want him to wrap himself around me and tell me it was going to be okay.
I wanted him to tell me he would never leave me.
Bastian unlocked the door, and we went inside. I didn’t let myself look at him, didn’t want to see the disappointment in his gaze. Did he think less of me because I’d let my dad treat me that way?
I took my shoes off, and Sebastian did the same. I could feel his gaze on me, couldn’t help wondering if he regretted going, while at the same time, replaying his response to my dad over and over in my head. The way he’d stuck up for me…the things he said about me. I’d only ever had that with the Beach Bums, and as much as I appreciated it, having it come from Sebastian made my insides feel different. It made my pulse speed up and my heart feel like he was somehow pumping it up. “I’m sorry you had to hear that.”
“You don’t have anything to apologize for. I’m sorry you have to hear that shit. You know it’s not true, don’t you? You’re…hell, I don’t even think there’s a word for what you are. It’s too much, too big, too everything.”
My heart beat against my chest, banged at it until I thought it would break through. Too everything? I didn’t even know what that meant, but it didn’t sound like it got much better than that. I wasn’t great with words, and even if I were, I didn’t know how to set them free, so instead of replying, I wrapped my hand around Sebastian’s wrist and tugged him close.
He came easily, his firm body against mine. His breath ghosted across my cheek, and the scent of his cologne filled my senses. Before he could say anything else, I closed my mouth over his.
It was Sebastian’s tongue that slipped inside first. I gave him access, wanted him to touch me and taste me everywhere. I didn’t know what I wanted more—for him to devour me or for me to do it to him. I just knew I’d never felt this before, never wanted someone so much. Sebastian was special and always had been.
I needed to lose myself in him, to dissolve into him, to own him and have him own me.
His tongue flicked against mine, the two of them tangling and tasting. We kissed as we made our way to the stairs, tried to go up, tripped and stumbled onto the steps.
He laughed, which made me do the same. Sebastian was on top of me then, one of the stairs digging into my back, but I didn’t care. I grabbed his face, took possession of his mouth again while all the dirty things I wanted to do to him played in my head.
“I want to fuck you,” I said and bit into the meaty part where his neck met his shoulder.
“Okay.”
“But even more so, I want you to fuck me.”
He smiled. “We can do that too.”
“I want us to take our time with each other, want you to open me up with your fingers, lick my hole until I’m coming apart, and then I’ll do the same to you.”
“Christ,” Sebastian growled. “Let’s go.” He pushed off me, then pulled me to standing. We ran up the stairs, our bare feet making more sound than you’d have thought, as we laughed and raced to his room. I had so much fun with him. When had I ever let go and allowed myself to have fun the way I did with Sebastian?
He tried to grab me when we got there, but I didn’t let him, this happy, playful feeling building up inside me. I tugged my shirt off, leaving on my jeans and tank top, before falling onto the white couch in Sebastian’s room. “I want you to strip for me.”
“Excuse me, what?”
